Desi, The Return

Our 6 month not talking thing is over. He called and made a teary confession of the fact that he's totally in love with me and is confused by it because I'm not his usual type (rail thin and of foreign passport) and because I've made him dream of marriage, which he normally stands so vigilantly against.

I told him that I have had enough romantic drama this past year, what with all the back-and-forth between Rico Gross and Victor Valdes...I just don't have time to add more on top of the pile of men with bleeding hearts for this Chunk.

We decided to just go back to our friendship from before, except I'm going to try to reign-in my "prickly radar" and he's going to try to stop masturbating when we talk on the phone. Baby steps.

VC

Orientalist LLP

From the website of one of the top international law firms with a presence in the Middle East:

Weekends at the beach
Living and working in Dubai offers all the benefits of the Middle East, with none of the potential drawbacks. It's an Islamic society - but a very tolerant one. The city is modern, high-tech and uncongested and its beaches, climate, relaxed lifestyle and superb sporting facilities are all big attractions. You can also venture into the desert - as we did for a recent office party. The drive to our desert camp across the sand dunes was by land cruiser, with activities including camel rides, sandboarding and bellydancing!

VC Top Chef

I just made Rice Primavera!!!

Granted, it was from a box, but this is definitely my biggest cooking project so far.

It was kind of tricky, because they say to only use two cups of water, which is nothing compared to what you use when you make pasta (my only accomplishment beyond microwaved vegetables thus far), and then you have to cook it for 25 minutes until all the water is gone.

It's a little tricky.

Check out the photo of my wonderful meal :)

Oh, and in case you're wondering, this weekend I pass 20 days without a single slice of pizza. I think if this were AA I'd get some kind of chip, but maybe in this case I should just get a bronzed peperoni or something.

VC

SuperChunk

Some fun news: We had an assignment in my Law & Culture class (see below) due last week, and the professor excerpted a few of our responses and distributed them to the class (and not because they were bad) and mine was one of them! It was pretty cool.

Here is the assignment:

Week One: Dignity and Personhood
Assignment: Write a description of your idealized self. It can be in the form of a super-hero or an imaginary being. What qualities in yourself would you want to enhance or eliminate? What extra powers would you want? Would they be physical or mental? What would you want to accomplish that you cannot in your ordinary state? To what extent would your enhanced attributes involve powers over other people?

Because of logistical issues, we didn't actually have this prompt when we did the assignment (it was posted late), so all we knew was that we had to design a superhero self and describe what aspects of our identity this would mean idealizing, and what aspects it would mean euthanizing.

If you're curious, my superhero power was HIV immunity. I tried to make two arguments, one being that HIV immunity would effectively mean the euthanizing of my homosexual self (I argued that "gay" and "infectable" are still understood as so synonymous that one can't be gay if one can't be infected); I also argued (much more problematically, in my opinion) that because being HIV-positive creates an identity category for positive individuals that functions like race but supersedes basically ethnic racial categories, to be HIV-immune would be to preclude the possibility of an idealized above-race self...I tried to hint that there would be a feedback exaggeration of our race-based identities if we weren't capable of latching-on to superseding identity categories (many of them, I think, related to illness or disability), but I didn't get into the whole thing because we only had like 2 pages! The part she excerpted was the second argument, about HIV and categories of race, and I'm kinda foolishly proud that mine was the longest excerpt out of all the ones she made :)

If you're interested in our assignment for this week, here it is:

Week Two: The Comic Codes
Assignment: Write a reflection about the interrelationships among notions of privacy, ownership and freedom of expression. After having submitted your paragraphs on super-heroes, a surprising and significant number of you emailed me shortly thereafter, asking me not to share this or that piece of it with the class. A variety of reasons were cited: fear that some detail would identify you, or would embarrass you, or reveal some family secret or betray the confidence of others. Later in the semester we will revisit those fears and concerns in the context of emailed communications where no detail is ever erased but stored somewhere--on your hard drive or in cyberspace. For now, ask yourselves what do you fear most about strangers' knowing your most closely held secrets? Or even just your casual thoughtless jottings? (You don't have to put those secrets in print, just think about what they are.) What's at stake in feeling silly or betrayed or revealed? Economic prospects? Dignity? Popularity? Desire to be liked or loved? What is it you fear most about being characterized (or caricatured) at the hands of others? What kinds of rules, if any, do you think might fairly or legitimately deal with that concern? Style your concern first as an issue of privacy or freedom from intrusion(and from whom); secondly as a matter of control or ownership (as in property); then thirdly as a limitation on the ability of others to represent you without your permission.

VC

Fetishizing the Israeli Army

I really like the rising Israeli tennis star Shahar Peer, and she played a fantastic quarterfinal match against Serena Williams last night, barely losing 8-6 in the third. That said, I'm totally sick of and disgusted by the media's fascination with her relationship to the Israeli army.

EVERY interview, every television soudbyte and newspaper article throws-in her military status like some kind of sexy other life she has -- some kind of alluring special talent. Not only do they totally ignore the fact that *many* of these athletes underwent mandatory military service (INCLUDING the Swiss athletes!), but the way they talk about her time in the Israeli army is nauseating. You can see in this short interview after her match last night a bit of what I mean, although I've seen much worse; I find the part where they ask her if she can shoot a gun pretty disturbing (more the way it's asked than the question itself -- like: "Can you shoot a gun, too? WOW! HOT!"

ESPN had a tv segment about her last night during her Williams match, and not only was there this dramatic introduction about how she's defending the peace and security of Israel (is she?), but they even had clips of her in training in Israel, and interviewed other young army officers. I thought it was pretty revealing when she said, at one point, that she felt like it was an important thing to do because it was an essential part of being Israeli, and that she learned a lot about Israel's history by serving in the military (one wonders what sort of history lessons are being taught there!). I am also left wondering where ESPN got the footage of her in Israel -- I mean did they send a crew there two months ago even though she's not a top player yet, or is it perhaps a media package put together by Israel, itself, or her publicist/agent?

Not only does it bother me the way they create this spicy allure around her service, but it also bothers me that they refuse to problematize it at all. I've never heard a reporter ask her (and it can be done non-confrontationally, of course!) how she felt being an army officer during the recent WAR with Lebanon (from which she was exempt so long as she was traveling to play tennis tournaments and make tens of thousands of dollars a month in endorsement and prize money). Not only that, but no one has talked about how different it is to serve in the Israeli army than (to return to our favourite example) the army of Switzerland. Has anyone asked her how she feels about many young Israeli's refusal to serve in the Occupied Palestinian Territories, or her feelings about the Israeli government prosecuting them as criminals?

It's one thing to find it sexy if the number one tennis player is also an avid skydiver, of if some hot young tennis star is also in medical school back home and the press wants to invoke all kinds of naughty nurse imagery (or heroize the star as a tennis player AND life saver). It's totally different to try to turn Shahar Peer into some kind of Rambo and Laura Croft Tomb Raider lovechild with a Star of David thrown-in.

VC

India to Overtake US By 2050?

I was really surprised to see that prediction by Goldman Sachs in this article from the Times of India.

It looks like by 2050 the US is projected to be third behind China and India.

What's so important about the prediction of India's sustain growth into the next four decades is that the growth India is currently experiencing is tied to productivity. That's huge.

2050 should be fun ;)

VC

Things Fall Apart

It's finally happened that for the first time an intense friendship ended (or in this case, took a self-critical vacation) at the other person's suggestion, rather than my own. Given my history of leaving behind friends like mobile phones in the backseat of taxicabs, it's interesting to be on the other end. I wonder if the other person always felt what I feel now, which is that it's definitely for the best. I think when two highly-discussive people for some reason can't discuss the problems in their own relationship, that's basically when you have to make the choice to stop discussing. I'd felt for a long time -- a very long time -- that there may be this problem that we'd never be able to fix (a fundamental lack of respect on Desi's part for who I am as a person, and a failure on his part to understand me as, on the whole, a responsible and ethical person with a ton of integrity) and I knew it would only be a matter of time before I'd not be able to ignore it anymore. I knew that when that moment came it would likely mean the end of a friendship, because I didn't sense a lot of potential on our parts to work on it, and it appears I was right. It was a great friendship for a ton of reasons, which is why this underlying problem was always outweighed by all the other benefits of being friends, but I knew that the dynamic was deeply-flawed.

I think part of the utility we find in friendships -- what makes them productive and worthwhile, if you want to look at it that way -- is that friends encourage us to be self-critical and honest about who we are and how we function when we might otherwise be too close to perform that analysis on our own (or reluctant to do so without support). Where I think this dynamic sickened is that it became very much about why everything I say/do/think/am motivated by is wrong. One of our only discussions about his continued torment about being a slave to his perfectionism foreshadowed this a bit, but I don't think Desi agrees with me about what's even happening, let alone why. Knowing that I'm someone who is positively enthralled by the people who challenge me and make me uncomfortable (I've always sought a certain element of productive devastation, particularly at the intellectual level), I don't think that this is simple defensiveness on my part, or reluctance to face criticism. I got tired of SO much pessimism and negativity being projected onto me, and because I am a critical person who takes his friends concerns to heart, I was always made to feel "am I really on the verge of disaster like he says?" from the smallest projects ("should I really be studying for my exam tonight? should I not?") to the biggest ones ("am I really incapable of understanding what motivates me and why?"). I finally decided that I was not perpetually hanging off a cliff, and that I wanted to stop being made to feel that I was. What I learned is that Desi is incapable of reading anything I say or do to the contrary, and for some reason understanding me as always potentially-disastrous is something he needed (or something that our dynamic needed).

In any case, something that has been immensely positive for more than two years (and by positive I don't mean "lovey and supportive" but I mean "productive, useful, evolving") has turned overwhelmingly negative, and I think I was alone in sensing that until I expressed it in pretty direct terms (admittedly not as calmly as this) to Desi, at which point he recommended a six month break and I readily agreed. I decided against republishing the emails, here, but one of the kind of funny last things said was that I told him that he needed to think about why it was important for him to push my buttons like a cranky child does to a parent, and he told me he thought I had too many buttons. I found this a bit hilarious since I have never met ANYONE with as many buttons (of ALL shapes and sizes) as him.

Six months from now we'll both be engaged in our summer projects, so it will certainly be interesting to see where he's at. Even if I did become invested in the blow-by-blow progress of his various plans, and it will be odd to hear their resolution without knowing the intermediate stages, I am hopeful that things will turn out well for him.

VC

My AMAZING Exercise Pheromones

Ok I am totally not someone who has people just come up to him and hit on him randomly on the street, but the only three times in my life it's happened that I can remember were ALL when I was coming back from the gym (this is not counting the times where guys have tried to pick me up while I'm on vacation, which is a totally different phenomenon).

My conclusion is that I generate insanely attractive post-workout pheromones.

The first two times happened basically back to back (within days of each other), and I don't remember which came first, but one of the times I was walking back from Central Park after a late spring/early summer run, my last year in NYC before Egypt, and I noticed this really hot guy totally checking me out -- like with that look like he seriously wanted to devour me. I was shocked, assumed I was misinterpreting the look, and just kept walking. Half way down the avenue block (so it's a really long block) I turn around and he's STILL staring at me.

Here's where things got weird -- and keep in mind that during both these two incidents I was dating R (formerly known as Pookie), and of course told him about both of them. So I see the guy staring at me and I kind of thought "this is like some ridiculous cruising scene from some gay story or something" and had this urge to just tear-down the absurdity of the moment and so I just waved at him. Not like a "come over here" wave, but like a "yes I see you, and this is idiotic" wave. Now, a friend at the time pointed out to me that there must have been something deeper motivating me, because it's not like we devote energy to ALL the times we think others are being idiotic, and so I really didn't need to wave, but I did.

When he came over, I just kept thinking "what is happening? why is this hot guy actually walking towards me, now?" As has happened now EVERY time I've been cruised like this, these guys who give off this ravenous and borderline predatory sexual energy from afar are totally nice guys when they open their mouths. It's really funny. He introduced himself and said that he was Israeli and said he thought I was Israeli, too (SUCH a compliment!). I told him I wasn't, and I immediately said "I actually have a boyfriend." His response was pretty funny: "Well I'm in the City visiting my girlfriend. Do you live nearby? What are you doing now?" WOW. He totally didn't get my point about the boyfriend, although I can see how my acknowledging him at all send the wrong signal (which I didn't understand at the time at all).

The whole thing became really interesting and kind of funny when I just made it clear to him that he wasn't coming home with me, and somehow we started talking about the fact that I was moving to Egypt. We were then talking about spirituality and the universe and I just kept thinking "this is SUCH an odd moment, and he is so hot? what is going on??" He said something really interesting, which was that it was just a coincidence of the universe that we were crossing the street at the same time, and that even though this wasn't the right time for us to meet, since neither of us were really available, maybe he'd see me crossing another street one day. Somehow I felt really content to leave it at that. It was odd, but nice.

The second incident was even weirder (and, as I said, within a few days of the first). I had run south until I didn't want to run anymore with the intention of taking the subway home (I often did this when I wasn't running the loop in Central Park), and on the subway I had that same feeling as a few days before, that someone was watching me. Not just looking at me, but WATCHING me. I looked across the row in front of me and to the left and this guy with (the first thing I noticed) the most insanely defined arms was totally staring at me. I was at first distracted by his torso, not only because he had one of those muscular but not too big and 4% body fat model torsos, but also because he was wearing this really interesting shirt that was sort of like a dark maroon and black cloudy shit with a huge silkscreened image of the Virgin Mary on it. It was kind of beautiful but kind of odd, whic his exactly how he turned out to be.

He was completely staring at me. Not smiling, but not staring in a brooding way, either. It was the way I stare at the Uno deck when my mother is shuffling it, willing her to subconsciously shuffle-in the Wild Draw Fours to my hand, or the way I stare at the television screen during a tennis match, willing the opponent of a favourite player of mine to double fault or make an unforced error. That's how he was looking at me.

Before his stop, he got up and stood next to me and fixed that same gaze upon me and when the doors opened, it was very weird, because they didn't close when they were supposed to. I remember when he stepped off seeing that branch of of the probability tree sort of vanish (but we get used to that, especially in relationships, and learn not to mourn it because branches are created all the time in every aspect of our lives). Ok I won't bore you with my probability tree thing, but the point is that he got off the train and I felt the moment die and then, as our bodies get used to a certain interval (the interval that a standard panning shot stop and focuses on something and moves on in EVERY movie we see, or the interval, in this case, that the subway doors stay open on that line on a normal evening), the doors just stayed open. I remember thinking "that is so funny, it's like the moment isn't supposed to end" but even THEN I didn't get up. They stayed open. There was no opening and closing with the conductor imploring people to step in and stand clear; no one was rushing to transfer from a train across the tracks; no announcement was made that we were being held temporarily at the station. The doors just stayed open.

I sprung out of my seat, thinking that I was absolutely insane, absolutely betraying R, going crazy that I'd have this incident and the Israeli incident in a matter of days, and wondering what would happen next. I turned out of the car towards the stair case and there he was. Maybe he was willing me and the train. So few people have the ability to puzzle or surprise me, that I have to confess a total romantic weakness for those who can throw me for a loop (more often than not, I have to create a loop to throw myself on and temporarily attribute it to them so I can feel attracted before I get bored with my own game).

When we got to the top of the stairs I just said "hey-" and before I could get out the rest of my sentence, his counterpoint to my rushed "hey-" was the most self-possessed and calm "Hello." It was so odd, the way he could elongate the space around him. I mean we can all draw out our words, but it was as if he could slow down the space through which those words passed. The space we were in. I continued: "who ARE you?"

We walked 30 blocks to my street, during which time he told me that he was a Playgirl model turned photographer, that he hated himself for wasting his 20s hating his body, that he feels happy that in his 30s he's understanding his artistic drive, that he thinks the most important thing a person can do is have children, because nothing makes a person so introspective as that, and that he was staring at me because I was so unique. He then told me that I had to walk him the 30 blocks back to his street where we got off the subway, we exchanged contact info, and I have to say that's pretty much were the magic ended.

True to form, my insecurity at the time allowed me to be simultaneously manipulative and self-torturing, and although we met up with a Swiss friend of mine for drinks and for him to show me his art, and although promises were exchanged the he and his boyfriend and R and I would all have dinner, I swiftly poisoned our dynamic.

It was SO messed-up. I introduced the Swiss guy to him to protect myself from him actually desiring me, to prove to myself that the Swiss guy didn't really like me and would easily fall for someone more beautiful...they were supposed to meet each other and ignore me and make me feel like my calculus was impenetrable, even though I had an inner suspicion that it wasn't. I should write about this Swiss guy sometime, because it was one of the real turning points in my personal development (there were a lot of those around 21, 22 I have to say). It couldn't REALLY be happening that either of those guys would have liked me, so I did my best to make it happen that they wouldn't.

My sabotage worked, but not in the way I intended it to. Swiss guy never expressed any attraction to Playgirl model (in fact he found him a bit ridiculous), and when I talked with Playgirl later I was surprised how he called me on what was going on. He told me that he wasn't interested in my game of seeing how he'd react to someone else: "I don't want to be tested -- my attention is fixed on you." It was stunning. I never spoke to him again. Actually, I did email him once to tell him that there was a typo on his photography/modeling website. I learned to think of his art as downmarket and poorly executed, to think that he wasn't as attractive as I imagined, and to judge his relationship with his boyfriend. It's always more comfortable to despise a man than to feel attracted to him.

The third time I've been hit-on on the street was today. I'm not sure if I've told many of you about my Harlem revelation, but the short version is that I realized that there a branch of my gym AND two really useful subway lines within 9 minutes walking distance (with the subway I would always take by Columbia being a 7 minute walk, so they're almost identical). I went to the gym and went down to the subway to go straight to J&R to buy my new humidifier (perhaps for another blog). On the platform, you can imagine what happened. That same feeling of being visually examined.

This guy was impressive, because he wasn't even on my subway platform, but was across the tracks -- so far away that I wasn't sure if his eyes were on me or on someone in my general area. I knew though, deep down. I think we always know when someone is attracted to us, but rarely is it something we want to admit -- in part because it would force us to reconsider the conclusions we've made about our own attractiveness and the way other people view us (our worldview of human attraction), and in part because we find the threat to our autonomy that being coveted by someone presents to us.

The trains were taking forever to come, and he literally did not take his eyes of me. It was almost making me feel a bit ashamed. After about 5 minutes of unbroken stare (me looking out of the corner of my eye, trying not to make the fact that I'd noticed him noticing me be noticed), he walked towards the end of his platform so that when I was looking ahead onto my track he was right there. His gestures for me to come to that side of the platform and get on the train were so imperceptible that to this moment I could have imagined them. He actually left his platform, though, in order to (I imagined) come over to mine. I knew that I wanted to go buy my humidifier and be back in time for tennis and that I had zero intention of going anywhere with him, and I knew that he'd just be wasting his time to come over to my side (especially because he didn't know that it wasn't even the line going to my house, so even if I were interested it was a non-starter since it wasn't the right side of the platform to go to his).

The problem with the "DL" (down-low) culture in Harlem is that it was basically impossible for me to communicate to him that he was wasting his time, but I figured the problem was solved when he seemed never to reappear. That's what I thought. When my train came and I began to walk to the door, he appeared out of nowhere. I then gestured the only way I could think by tapping by wrist like "sorry no time" (this is clearly not a language I'm fluent in!) but he shrugged and got on the train! He must be some kind of expert, because after standing directly in front of me and half-smiling, he then stood next to me so that his reflection was directly in front of me and he could stare without anyone really knowing. Stop after stop went by and I just kept thinking "I need to tell this guy there's no chance."

After about five stops, he went to the door and gestured to me to get out at the next stop. It was something out of a B-movie. I didn't want to get out because I thought it might take a long time for the next train to come, but I felt really bad that I'd somehow lead this guy on (I guess he's basically my polar opposite in terms of reluctance to admit someone is expressing interest -- I don't believe someone when they're saying it loud and clear, and he believes it with basically no encouragement at all).

I did get off at the next stop and immediately said to him, "Hi. I'm sorry but I have to go downtown to buy something for my room. It makes water in my room." (Call me presumptuous, but something told me that unless I knew how to say "humidifier" in Spanish, it was best to keep the language as simple as possible). He then said "Oh, you got someone else waiting for you, ah?" I said "No, I really need to go to J&R...do you know J&R?...to buy something for my room." He was really nice about it, and tried to make some small-talk since he knew I had to wait for the next train. We didn't get very far, but I know his name is Jose and he has a great handshake!

He asked me if I wanted his number, and I told him the truth, that I didn't have my phone with me (I knew I'd be at the gym or running errands on the subway all day, so why bring it?), but that was stupid of me, because then he said: "Ok well put your number in my phone." He fips open his phone and OF COURSE there is a picture of his adorable little son, probably 6. It was like Egypt all over again! I was reluctant, but gave it to him (I figure I don't need to answer if I don't want to), and then it was so shocking because all of a sudden, while I'm dialing my number in, he just GRABBED me! He simultaneously grabbed me, you know, THERE, and kissed me as the train sped into the station. I was completely shocked -- like almost frozen shocked where you want your mind to work more quickly because you have to do SOMETHING in order to counteract the inertia of someone else's physical action, but luckily since the train came he let go and said "ok I'll call you later."

Thankfully I'm home and I haven't gotten a call from anyone I don't know, but I guess the overall point is that I'm apparently totally irresistible when I'm coming back from the gym!

VC

VC: FOR THE RECORD

For the record, it's been a LOT colder in NYC than it's been in Switzerland, lately. Yesterday it was actually 15 degrees warmer in Geneva than it was in NYC -- it's not even below freezing in Switzerland and it hasn't snowed in the city!

VC

SWISSY IS COMING!

Just wanted to announce that my Swissy is coming to visit for my birthday (how sweet is that?) -- he's flying in to JFK at 2:55pm on 16 February and leaving at 7:45pm on the 18th.

It's sad that he'll only be here for two days, but I'm really excited to see him again!

VC

UPDATE: Swissy has just emailed me to tell me that he's booked a really nice hotel for my birthday and it's a surprise where...I'm very curious! I don't think it's fair for him to spend so much money just to come for 48 hours for my birthday, though, so I offered to give him my Swiss miles...not much (only enough for one roundtrip flight within Europe) but at least showing him that I appreciate what he's doing.

Why Religion is Bad, and State-Fuelled Hatred is Worse

http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/tennis/aus07/news/story?id=2731537

Thin Women's Field at Australian Open

Well the draw for the Aussie Open has been released, and I'm not that excited for the men or women. On the men's side, you have...well you have Roger Federer, and you have Rafael Nadal, and that's about it...so tune-in for another Federer-Nadal final where Federer will win.

On the women's side, you have Henin pulling-out to settle her divorce to her sweet-but-probably-gay husband, which is all for the best since I always thought she was a lesbian, anyway. She's gone, Venus Williams is gone (she's been gone in spirit for a while, but just having her name entered spices things up), Serena hasn't made nearly as much progress as we'd have hoped, a lot of the top Russians are underperforming in the warmup tournaments (the exception being Sharapova -- who has yet to perform at all, not having entered any warmups except an exhibition where she was beaten by Clijsters), and Davenport is out having a baby and probably retired. [and I'm using run-on sentences]

I see the women's draw like this:

Bottom Half

On the bottom half, it's more or less a march to the finals for Mauresmo (how bold -- to predict a finalist before the tournament even starts! Ok well she is the #2 seed...). There is almost nothing exciting going on in Mauresmo's quarter of the draw, except a Round of 16 match between Dementieva and Vaidisova, which should be good, but should also be inconsequential when the winner loses to Mauresmo in the quarters.

In the other quarter of the bottom half, there is a lot of interesting stuff going on with lurkers (like Israeli Shahar Peer), and I think that will be the quarter of the draw that keeps people watching the early rounds. You have a Petrova-Serena Williams third round face-off, with the winner of that taking on the red-hot and body-broken Jelena Jankovic in the Round of 16 (the girl has won both warmup tournaments going into the Aussie Open, but is now practically on crutches as a result). The other Round of 16 match in that quarter is also exciting, with Kuznetsova going up against Peer, and the winner of that taking-on the winner of the Petrova/Serena-Jankovic match in the quarters (you follow?). All the excitement aside, I think it will basically go by the seeding and you'll have Petrova against Kuznetsova in that quarter when all is said and done.

This means that the semifinal for the bottom half should ultimately have Mauresmo taking-on the winner of the Kuznetsova-Petrova match, which I hope will be Petrova, but which won't matter because I predict Mauresmo moving-on to the finals regardless. [I know this happens to be what the seeding predicts, but I just don't see an upset happening at this stage]

Top Half

The top half is not super exciting, either. In the first quarter, you have an interesting Round of 16 match between Sharapova and Ivanovic, and I predict that the winner of that match will march all over her quarterfinal opponent (probably Schnyder) and into the semifinals.

In the other quarter, I think you have Clijsters gliding into the quarterfinals and taking-on the winner of a Hingis-Safina Round of 16 match. It will be a really tough one, as Hingis is seeded higher but recently lost to Safina in the final of a warmup tournament two weeks ago. I think, though, that Hingis will pull-through (since you know she will have *studied* that match she lost), and face Clijsters in the quarters.

This means that the semifinal of the top half will have the winner of the Sharapova-Ivanovic Round of 16 match taking-on the winner of the Clijsters-Hingis Quarterfinal match. I think that ultimately it will go with the seeds (sorry Hingis! I still love you!) and put Sharapova against Clijsters. **HERE IS WHERE I PREDICT THE MOST MAJOR UPSET (note that a lof of my earlier-rounds predictions involve upsets, including Serena even making the third round, and Peer making the quarters) --> I see Clijsters upsetting Sharapova (like she did recently in the exhibition event) and moving-on to a final against Mauresmo.

Overall Prediction

Clijsters said a long time ago that she'd retire at the end of this season, and while we don't know now if she still thinks that, I can see her doing it with the Australian Open 2007 title under her belt. That said, Mauresmo has such an easy route to the finals compared to Clijsters (who will have at least two big matches in the quarters and semis) that I think Mauresmo will be the fresher of the two. Overall, probably because Mauresmo is second only to Hingis in my list of faves (and sometimes third to Henin, depending on where Henin is at that point), I'm going to go with Mauresmo as the winner.

VC

UPDATE: When I wrote this Jankovic had match point against Clijsters in the finals of the last warmup tournament in Sydney and I called her the winner, but it turns out Clijsters turned it around to win in three sets after 2.5 hours. More reason to believe she'll upset Sharapova in the semis!

PS: You can check out this article from The Guardian to see how my predictions match up with those of the press -- although as validated as I am by the article's picks, I have to say that it's not exactly expertly-written, since there are a few errors in the reading of the draw (the author confuses some of the sections of the draw, including an important mistake in terms of Clijsters's opponents, who the author steals from Hingis's part of the draw!).

Rant Followup: UAFA

Just thought you'd all be interested in an update on the Uniting American Families Act, which you can read about on the Immigration Equality website.

Check out who has sponsored it and who hasn't!


S.1278
Title: A bill to amend the Immigration and Nationality Act to provide a mechanism for United States citizens and lawful permanent residents to sponsor their permanent partners for residence in the United States, and for other purposes.

Sponsor: Sen Leahy, Patrick J. [VT] (introduced 6/21/2005) Cosponsors (13)

Related Bills: H.R.3006
Latest Major Action: 6/21/2005 Referred to Senate committee. Status: Read twice and referred to the Committee on the Judiciary.

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COSPONSORS(13), ALPHABETICAL [followed by Cosponsors withdrawn]: (Sort: by date)

Sen Akaka, Daniel K. [HI] - 5/9/2006
Sen Boxer, Barbara [CA] - 6/21/2005
Sen Chafee, Lincoln [RI] - 6/21/2005
Sen Corzine, Jon S. [NJ] - 6/21/2005
Sen Dayton, Mark [MN] - 6/21/2005
Sen Dodd, Christopher J. [CT] - 9/13/2006
Sen Feingold, Russell D. [WI] - 6/21/2005
Sen Jeffords, James M. [VT] - 6/21/2005
Sen Kennedy, Edward M. [MA] - 6/21/2005
Sen Kerry, John F. [MA] - 10/31/2005
Sen Lautenberg, Frank R. [NJ] - 6/21/2005
Sen Murray, Patty [WA] - 6/21/2005
Sen Wyden, Ron [OR] - 9/19/2006

Rant: Bi-National Same-Sex Couples in the US

You know those moments where you are surprised by your own ignorance, and then, simultaneous to that surprise, you are confused about what to do in the face of your revelation?

I'm totally having one of those moments.

I've know a handful of gay men who married American women (usually their fag hags) to get citizenship, but I always assumed that if it were legal for them to marry a man, and they did so, then they would have the same automatic green card and work permit privileges as a foreign woman marrying a man.

I was definitely wrong.

Not only can gays not marry almost anywhere in this country (which we already knew), but even if they could get married (eg: in Massachusetts), it would have no bearing on the immigration status of the non-resident partner, because marriage is managed at the state level, but immigration decisions are managed at the federal level.

It's *shocking* how easy it is for straight bi-national couples to get green cards for the non-resident partner. Take the example of the lovely couple whose civil ceremony I was the witness for a couple months ago. The husband is French, got his MBA at Yale, and now works in NYC (actually in New Jersey, but they live on the Upper West Side) and was given permanent residency through sponsorship by his company. His wife is Spanish and, prior to their marriage, was only allowed in the US on a tourist visa (not having company sponsorship and not yet permitted to work). I went with them to the city clerk's office and within minutes, literally, she was his wife and within a month would be given her green card and work permit.

I'm sure there are follow-up procedures and other hoops they'll have to jump through, but that's not the point. The point is: I have less rights *as an American citizen* to be joined by my foreign husband (fictional as he may be, at this point) than my French friend did to have his wife joing him in New York.

According to this page from about.com, there are sixteen countries that recognize the residency rights of same-sex bi-national couples: Australia, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Iceland, Israel, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, South Africa, Sweden, and the United Kingdom.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE US?

You know, I was sitting in my Con Law class day before yesterday and feeling really lucky to be an American, not because I'm so in awe of our Constitution (I'm not familiar enough with the historical moment during which it came to be for me to be that impressed with it), but because there are VERY few places in the world in which I'd have all the opportunities that I have now.

Well I am a damn fool, because while there may not be a lot of places where I could have had the opportunities that I've had, here, there are other places.

I think a lot of us should be DONE with being believing that we're not allowed to complain about the US because it's unpatriotic and ungrateful since it's worse to be in Somalia.

Yes, it probably IS worse to be in Somalia, but I'm not sure I think it's worse to be in Belgium...I just don't. I don't feel like I have to be satisfied with the set of rights that I'm given, here, and I CERTAINLY don't feel like ANY of us should be satisfied with the ways in which religious interest groups are lobbying for policies that run contrary to the basic principles of separation of church and state that underpin the formation of our country.

The US does not deserve to have my taxes or my human capital or me representing it fabulously wherever I go with my passport.

I found this article on the subject to be quite sad (note how smart it was to open with a story about a Lesbian couple, since I think they seem less threatening on this issue -- their relationships tend to be seen as more enduring and legitimate, and women tend to be seen as less opportunistic than men in terms of marrying for citizenship).

One of the best parts is where a woman from Luxembourg (a country with the highest per-capita GDP in the world -- ie: she's NOT an economic migrant!), who moved to California to go to law school and be with her girlfriend, says: "When I first came to the U.S., I had all these ideas about what this country represents — equality and human rights. It’s not at all like that. It’s in the Constitution, yet it doesn’t mean anything if you’re gay." Her partner then says: "The message from the government to gays is clear: Pursue your happiness elsewhere. It’s your country or your love. What an embarrassment..."

Indeed, what an embarrassment. And this country has been an embarrassment for a variety of reasons that are not restricted to this issue.

Another good part, if startling for its imagery (my gut reaction was "this is an unfair comparison" and then I was like "Wait. No. It's actually a really valid comparison!"), is when one of the gay men says: "“If you’re in a bi-national gay relationship, you really realize you’re not worth shit in this country,” he said. “For a straight American to get married is every bit as immoral as eating at a restaurant that doesn’t serve black people.”

I guess I feel perhaps even one step more radical. I think that, not just for gay rights issues, but for ALL the things that are really broken in this country -- and all the ways in which our government refuses to fix them -- we should move. That's right. Pick up your shit and emigrate.

I have said for years, now, that what the US needs in order to be made more progressive is to feel the shock effects of the brain-drain that would occur if people just left. Now, I know not everyone is mobile, particularly many of the groups who are most discriminated against, but when I think about the economic might that fuels so much of the rest of the country coming from places like California and New York, I think it's despicable that these liberal rich power-houses are willing to fund the ill-conceived social and foreign policies of this country. Silicon Valley does not NEED to be in California. Wall Street doesn't NEED to be on Wall Street. What if they were in Vancouver and Toronto, instead?

If right-wing conservatives want to be satisfied to destroy our Constitution and founding principles (let alone their refusal to go BEYOND those principles to truly progressive liberality) then that's fine, but they should not get to use my name or my money to do it.

I hate the images perpetuated by US mass media and exported globally of female bodies. I hate that we are a country of global economic power that is astounding (EVERY time I see a statistic about how rich the US is compared to all of Europe combined, I'm stunned), and yet we are satisfied to have millions living in urban slums or rural shacks without proper access to health care or education. I hate it that the US has so consistently felt threatened by, and stood in the way of, the development of international human rights law. I hate it that most children do not get to have summers of bucolic relaxation (since most families do not own their homes, let alone a vacation home), and I hate it that most adults couldn't take the vacation to have that summer with their kids, anyway. I hate our country's obsession with celebrities, and I particularly hate the form that it takes (the Brits hounded Diana, but do you think they would have published photos of her vagina if she ever got out of the car awkwardly and her skirt came up too high? Do you think the Brits would have bought those photos if they'd been published? Would the BBC have talked about it?). I hate it that foreign language study is only for the academic elite, and I hate it that the financial burden of joining that elite is so huge. Finally, I hate it that my lover is not welcome here, and that so few people seem to understand why that is problematic for everyone's freedom.

VC

Food For Thought: Incarceration of Urban Black Men

Just wanted to give you a snippet from the Crim Law reading that I'm finally doing at 6am before class:

• In Washington DC, 42% of black men between 18 and 35 at any given moment are incarcerated (ie: in jail), on probation or parole, or released on a bond posted while criminal charges are pending. In Baltimore the number is 56%!
  

• Nationwide, innercity black males face nearly a 90% lifetime risk of being arrested and incarcerated.

You can read the short article from which my textbook got this info, Jerome Miller's "Hobbling a Generation," by clicking here.

Maybe THIS should be part of Congress's 100 hour push.

VC

Say It Right

LOVE this new Nelly Furtado song. I haven't bought her new album because I didn't like either of the first two singles or the way she was marketing herself (and this is after her second album gave me one of my favourite albums that I own, including what is perhaps my favourite song). This one, though, is quite good. Say It Right!

In the day
In the night
Say it right
Say it all
You either got it
Or you don't
You either stand or you fall
When your will is broken
When it slips from your hand
When there's no time for joking
There's a hole in the plan

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
But you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me

I can't say that I'm not lost and at fault
I can't say that I don't love the light and the dark
I can't say that I don't know that I am alive
And all of what I feel I could show
You tonight you tonight

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
But you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me

From my hands I could give you
Something that I made
From my mouth I could sing you another brick that I laid
From my body I could show you a place God knows
You should know the space is holy
Do you really want to go?

Vomit on Tropicana and Gatorade

I'm officially boycotting Tropicana and Gatorade (I'd boycott all of Pepsico, but I think Pepsi is way better than Coke, and I feel like Pepsico is one of those huge companies that is part of everything without us even knowing it...like, my blog is probably a product of Pepsico for all I know).

Why?

Because this kind of advertisement (which is passed-off on the official women's tennis WTA tour website as a news article) is so lame it gets my "Vomit on" distinction, which I'm thinking about making a regular thing for things I think are vomit-worthy:

"Russian megastar Maria Sharapova has signed with Gatorade and Tropicana, becoming the first ever International Tennis Ambassador to promote healthy hydration and nutritional habits to consumers around the world."

That is just the lamest thing I've ever heard. Actually, I did watch CNN early this morning, so it's probably just the lamest thing I've heard this afternoon, but still.

They make her out to be, like, the Greek goddess of hydration, and even say that she'll be going on a global tour to promote healthy hydration. If Sharapova is sleepless over the plight of the world's poorly-hydrated, then maybe she should consider championing clean drinking water infrastructure and distribution campaigns -- something tells me Gatorade Wildberry Fierce is not the solution to the world's hydration needs.

The article goes on to talk about how "PepsiCo is committed to offering options for every beverage occasion" and quotes Maria as saying: "fruit and fruit juices also play an important role in my balanced diet. Tropicana makes it easy to bring vitality and nutrition to my day."

Vomit.

"Drinking orange juice every morning is one of the healthiest habits anyone can adopt."

Isn't that a bit hyperbolic? And what is a "beverage occasion," anyway? I can only think of a few examples of occasions structured around the drinking of a beverage (communion, wedding toasts, and frathouse binge drinking competitions) and I don't think PepsiCo offers options for any of them, as they're all alcoholic.

Who knows, maybe if Sharapova's campaign is really successful, the Vatican will come out in favour of red Gatorade over red wine during communion. In fact, the Vatican could probably get a joint endorsement deal with Pepsico and Nabisco and start marketing Fig Newtons as the new Eucharist -- they kind of seem fleshier than those brittle little wafers, anyway.

According to this article, Fig Newtons provide better energy to athletes than sports bars, so Sharapova could even get-in on it!

VC

ICRC Diversity

I'm really keen on getting involved with the International Committee of the Red Cross, because: 1. It's the preeminent authority on international humanitarian law; 2. it's an organization of immense integrity (even if it's quite conservative, intellectually); 3. it's in Geneva.

Whole poking around on their website, I noticed that there is a hilarious lack of diversity as far as the membership of some of its organs goes. Check out the names, here -- it reads like something from the French Revolution:

Assembly Council

Mr Jakob Kellenberger, President
Mr Jacques Forster, permanent Vice-President
Mr Jean Abt, member of the Committee
Mr Jean de Courten, member of the Committee
Mr Jacques Moreillon, member of the Committee

I LOVE KATHY GRIFFIN

I have to instablog this really fast, because the show is on commercial, but I just wanted to saw that I LOVE KATHY GRIFFIN.

You know how sometimes you do something that seems so weird and unlikely that you can't IMAGINE anyone else does it (like, you didn't even consciously think of yourself as doing it, let alone being so aware of it as to articulate it for others) and then someone says something about it and you're like "OH MY GOD THAT'S SO ME!" Well one of my biggest moments of that is in a Will & Grace episode where Grace mentions how she loves to put the wrapped kraft singles against her cheeks -- I SO did that as a kid.

Not the point. Back to Kathy:

So she was just talking about how she has a sweaty ass (ME!) and how she was going to an important meeting with NBC and decided to PACK HER ASS wish tissue to absorb the sweat. I kid you not, I just did this YESTERDAY (first and only time, I think). I had run errands and was so frustrated because sometimes the problem with walking around in the NYC cold in multiple layers is that you're both kind of hot and cold at the same time, and I was wearing a backpack, so my lower back and my lower lower back *wink* were working up a sweat and I HATE that. I was going out after I got home and was like "I am not going to suffer through this again" and put some folded tissue right between my nether-cheeks. I practiced walking around my apartment and sitting down and ultimately decided not to go ahead with it, and I'm glad I didn't, because Kathy said that after her NBC meeting, ass-crack sweat successfully avoided, she walked back to her car and when she sat down realized that THE PACKING WAS GONE (!!!). She's not sure if she left it in a wad on the NBC exec's floor or just left a trail going back to her car, but no matter what that is NOT something you want happening to you.

I just thought it was funny that just yesterday I did this crazy thing and now today I'm seeing it on tv.

I love Kathy Griffin. She is SO irreverent. If Desi knew anything about the celebrities she makes fun of he'd totally love her.

Our blog officially misses him. Our blog ("our"?? --> MY) MY blog also wants to congratulate Barbie on her engagement to her bf...as if DC needed another straight power couple.

VC

Housecleaning

Well as Dr. Juicy is aware from my incessant email forwarding, the past few days for me have been a time of cleaning house, and I think it was important for me to start the New Year facing my life and my personal relationships in as honest a way as possible.

The first (and pretty insignificant) tie was cut when a friend of mine from Cairo -- let's call him Argentino -- who was also here in NYC for law school revealed to me what I'd already suspected which was that he was hooking up with my ex in Cairo while we were dating. Actually, he claims that it was after I'd already left Egypt, but I'm not that much of a fool. As you can see from the emails, below (my first and second emails, and his reply), it was time to have an accounting of the friendship, which from my perspective didn't offer a lot.

The second "breakup" email, which was not a tie-cutting but more of a category shift, went to a friend in DC who I'd been dating on and off without much momentum over the past five months. Someone who I think really highly of, but who I didn't really see a future with (a fact that came into sharper perspective while I was home in CA and I thought a lot about the differences between him and Swissy and my feelings about them both).

Even though you don't know these people, I think the emails are worth reading. Case studies, if you will :)

1A. Tie-cutting Email to Argentino

Hey Argentino,

Thanks for coming out tonight. Dr. Juicy liked you a lot, and asked if I could put you on her "going out/party list" and I of course said yes :)

I wanted to say something that's pretty hard to articulate, but that is basically this:

I am not certain that we are really people with a lot of shared values or direction, and I feel like I'm not likely to be able to incorporate you into the small and trusted circle of friends that I hold dear. I don't want you to think that this is exclusively or even primarily about the CairoEx revelation, because it's not. I'm generally hesitant to get too close to people who clearly have a lot of personal growth to undertake before being ethical becomes a life habit for them; for certain reasons, chief amongst them the fact that I see a lot of me in you -- in terms of the difficulties of the coming out experience -- I wanted to help you through that as a friend, and I didn't want to close the door on knowing you despite my hesitancy (even if, as you rightly point out, I haven't been the most eager presence). Where the CairoEx revelation fits in to this is that it confirms this original hesitancy that I was trying to ignore in order to attempt to be there for someone I perceived as being in need. I think, though, that we just don't share enough common perspective at this point for me to be the helping friend that I wanted to be for you. I also think that my trust and respect for you is limited to the point that I could not fill that role, which is a truth I was not facing until tonight.

There are lots of great things about you, and I'll certainly be wishing you only good things personally and professionally. I really regret that I don't have the resources necessary to be a better friend to someone like you, but it's better to be honest about these limitations than try to ignore them.

Have a great New Year!

-- VC

1B. PS to Tie-Cutting Email: "I almost forgot"

One of CairoEx's friends actually told me that you and CairoEx were hooking up when I was still in Cairo and Ex made this HUGE deal about how this guy from Bahrain was such a lier and how thankful he was that I had faith in him that he wouldn't do that. I was really hard on that guy, Ex's friend, telling him I wouldn't listen to his lies, that he was sick to try to spread rumours like that etc. I obviously think it was wrong for both you and Ex to lie about what happened (and for you to still lie about when it happened, even when you'd gotten 1/2 way to the truth), but I think it's particularly bad for Ex to let me believe that it was actually someone else, this Bahraini guy, who was the lier, and let me tell the guy off when he was just trying to help me out by warning me that Ex was hooking up with one of my friends. I think herein lies the difference between why you were happy in Egypt and I wasn't! lol We are VERY different! :)

1C. Reply Email from Argentino

hey vc,

i understand where you're coming from. i agree that i still have a lot of growing up to do and i still need to figure out the direction where my life is headed. these are difficult times in my life and they will probably continue to be so for the next couple of years. i really don't have much experience being honest with people since my entire history with my friends and family has been based on lying. i realize that i have a problem that i need to sort out on my own and it will take time to overcome it.

i hope that at least we can met for drinks every now and then. i always did enjoy our conversations and i appreciate your insight.

argentino

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Two words re: the "drinks every now and then" = NOT LIKELY

Ok moving on, here is the stuff with DC guy. I feel like my email to him was perfect, except that I kind of have the urge to reply to his email even though I won't, because you don't want to drag these things out -- each person sort of gets one turn only, I think. When he says that he disagrees with me on the timing and that one can't know if someone is "the one" this quickly, I feel like he's misunderstanding me a bit. I'm not saying that I think you can know if someone is "the one" after some scattered dates over 5 months, but I do think that you can know when someone is not. The bottom line is that, as much as I refuse to let myself go head-over-heals for people (and as rational as Swissy and I both are about the limitations on our interaction, refusing to have any romantic illusions whatsoever), I am a romantic, and I am the type to have daydreams and fantasies about what life might be like with someone when I really like him. I think all the time about Swissy coming to CA and meeting my mother, and us sitting at home and watching his favourite American tv shows -- even if I wouldn't act on the impulse, I even peak at property in Lausanne and think about jobs I could take in Geneva after graduation (admittedly not much of a professional sacrifice, since I could have likely ended up there, anyway). I realized that I didn't have these same romantic impulses with DC Guy, and I don't think that's a good sign. I should be imagining walking with him in the DC Mall, hiking in Hawaii -- something! There's really none of that, anymore, I think because somewhere inside it's clear to me that it's just not going to happen.

Here you go:

2A. Breakup Email from Me to DC Guy

I've been thinking about this a lot over the Winter holiday, and have come to the difficult realization that I don't think you and I are a match.

It's so rare to find someone of your quality, and I have absolutely nothing to say about you that would even remotely resemble criticism. You are a great catch, and so am I, but unfortunately that doesn't mean that this is meant to be.

From what I've seen of you, you are a dynamic guy, a good father, an excellent businessman, and quite [romantic] -- the complete package, really -- and I am hoping that you find the right guy, because you certainly deserve it. It's regrettable to me to have to say that I don't think I'm him.

You have fun tonight. Dance you ass off :) Know that all my thoughts of you are fond ones.

Happy new year,

VC

2B. Reply Email from DC Guy

VC

I know this is the decision you have come to. You indicated as much during your break, I weighed that into my decision as to whether or not I should change my plans for this evening. I, on the other hand, tend to move slower and really would have no idea if you are “the one” without a great deal more time together. This is why I was excited about the possibility of Puerto Rico or something like that to have a block of uninterrupted time together.

I think you are amazing, and will always have very warm and wonderful thoughts of you and our time together.

As you said I am the complete package. I am flattered you would thinks so. I try to be as good a man as the one I will settle down with will be. You certainly have all the indications of being that sort of man.

I look forward to having a wonderfully supportive and mutually loving friendship with you. I look forward to hearing of your soaring career and the wonderful man you will be for that special someone.

Do not be a stranger, I will not be one to you.

I already miss you, and look forward to seeing you soon.

Xoxo DC Guy

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Nice one, huh? Great guy.

Happy New Year!

VC