Boycott Citibank

This is a totally serious request that my friends and loved ones boycott Citibank.
I will not detail, here, all of the problems that I have had with them in NYC, Egypt, and Afghanistan, but I will say that they have been totally irresponsible, unprofessional, and have more than once -- because of their incomprehensible policies and poor customer service -- SERIOUSLY put me in jeopardy. As I said, I will not get into OTHER history here...which includes sending one of my bank cards to England, sending me cards with wrong numbers or to addresses not my own with no name attached, and putting mysterious freezes on my account because of international debits when I have MORE THAN once told them that I live in Egypt...the latest disaster involves a wire transfer.

Now, I will first say that the ROOT cause of this problem is not Citibank, but is the *equally* incompetent (yes it's possible) Standard Chartered Bank in Kabul, which failed to recognize the narrative "Account with American Passport {Veiled Chunk's PP#}" as an indicator that *gasp* someone named Veiled Chunk would be using an American passport of the same number to get a wire. "What ID will he use?" they asked me when I called them. Um -- the one given on the form...the same form I used 6 weeks ago when I did the transfer that worked.

Back to Citibank -->

I did the transfer from Herat on the 14th, so it would be ready when I got back to Kabul. On the 19th (!) Citibank sent me an email telling me I had an online message (what an awful system that board members must have just drooled over), which I opened and which told me that there was a problem with the wire, and I should "write back" or call them. I did both. I wrote them and told them to PLEASE call me (they have somehow managed to call my Kabul mobile when I made too large a transfer for their liking from one of my accounts to another) or write back. They did neither (48 hours later). Incidentally, after saving their message (it was annoying me that it kept telling me I had new online messages when it was always the same one, so I "saved" it to get it out of the received messages box) it disappeared, and I have no record of my reply. So Fine. I'll call them. Buy $20 (yes, I know) calling card, stay on hold for 18 minutes, and then be told by a woman in the Central Time Zone (which I *definitely* have no concept of right now) that no one is in the office who does wire transfers and I'll have to call back...she can't help me...they can't call me. Phone card runs out. $20 gone thanks to Citibank *and* I am supposed to leave in 4 days for Pakistan (meaning paying my nearly $4000 bill to my guesthouse before I go, meaning: I NEED THE WIRE TRANSFER!). Sorry, but why give me an international 24-hour customer service line (which they thoughtfully made "collect call" accessible, but failed to remember that most countries don't support US collect calls...at least Egypt and Afghanistan don't...Monaco does, but it's a secret how I know that ;p)?

In sum: I hate Citibank. I also hated Gristedes, and look what happened when my psychic wrath finally brought the market to its knees (the market, as many of you know, being literally downstairs from my old apartment in NYC).

The benifit to Citibank is that it is "everywhere," right? But then you go to Egypt (or Germany) and they will tell you that it's more or less a franchise, with the Citibank brand but no account connectivity. The Citibank in Egypt is literally not even ALLOWED to make an international call or fax to Citigroup headquarters or a US office. Ok, so scratch the pro of its ubiquitousness. Then, there are people of financial (and emotional!) importance to my life who have accounts there, and we can do online transfers. That is a nice feature...also available at EVERY OTHER BANK on the planet. In other words: no compelling reasons to stay with Citibank.

Here is my call *Veiled Chunk pounds his chest and makes call-like noises*:

Close your Citibank accounts, and transfer your business. I am going to HSBC (note 2nd hottest guy working for Raya on Egypt part of website). I have seen their banks all over Egypt, have seen with my own eyes their amazing customer service for a friend in NYC who came from Finland and was rather stranded (needing access to his HSBC account overseas), and really like the global friendships it endorses -- I mean the Hong Kong-Shanghai Banking Corporation centered in London? How global is THAT? Very impressive.

Poor little Chunk's bank account doesn't qualify him for "high roller" status, but some of you do have rather...um...*VC searches for a diplomatic way of saying: "loaded"*...not insignificant private and corporate account balances. He encourages YOU (as customers valued by Citigroup at a level orders of magnitude above his) to transfer your accounts. It's not that bad! He'll even help you (for no fee*) -->

Anyone who is interested can email me and I will send you a formal complaint letter to Citibank that you can slap them with when you close your account, as well as information on your nearest HSBC (or bank of your choice!) and how to open an account. I'm totally serious about this. I am done feeding Citibank my money (even if their Checking PLUS overdraft protection is pretty sweet and has allowed for some fierce shopping trips...in the olden days).

*VC would never dream of charging a fee for his financial services, however donations (preferably in Swiss Francs...because VC likes the abbreviation CHF) in support of his Social Justice Campaign are appreciated and rarely refused.**

**Social Justice Campaign donations will, of course, be refused if given with expectations of sexual favours attached, unless you are Olivier Martinez, in which case your donation will be refunded (provided that VC is allowed to post photos of our date on his blog).