Men Can Be SO Frustrating!

So I've been going back and forth with this Israeli guy forever, now, on when we're finally going to have a real date. He's really smart, funny, a great businessman, and (as my mother said when I sent her his photos) "brutally handsome."

He's also really, really busy. It's ridiculous. I just went a little insane that we still haven't had our date this week, and wrote him the following email. I really am unbelievably lame lol

***

I think I need to focus less on getting a date with you and more on finding you a personal assistant...or three.

I've decided to approach this the same way I would in an interview at a consulting firm where they give you a business case and you have to walk them through solving the issue: "The guy you want to date expresses interest, but is having trouble getting it together to make a plan. What steps would you take to solve this problem? What would you recommend?"

...Well I'd have to answer three questions:

1. "Is it me?": Is the date not happening because, while interested, he's not interested enough in you to make it worth it to him to fit you into his schedule?

2. "Is it him?": Does he have a history of not being able to make room in his schedule to explore something new?

3. "Is it his work?": Maybe the desire and ability are there, but he seriously just does not HAVE the time, no matter how sincere the interest. Is there a way to make time?

(you know in those interviews you have to prioritize amongst different options and create an actionable solution for your client, so -->)

The situation is probably, at some level, a combination of all three things, but let's focus-in on a workable solution.

As far as the first scenario is concerned, he may not be that interested, but he doesn't know you yet, and you are a total catch, so you shouldn't assume a lack of interest just yet. You know how men are, and sometimes they suck at making plans. Make a mental note "this one will be like dating a straight guy" and alter your strategy accordingly. He probably wont ever be great at making plans, may not get your weird emotional subtlety, and might even sometimes pee with the bathroom door open. Prepare yourself. He still might be a great guy despite those things.

As for the second question, he has indicated that he's had a series of successful multi-year relationships and is candid in his online profiles about the fact that he's just there to look around for entertainment value so he can unwind after work. What we probably have here is a guy who is not likely to find something casual, that may or may not work to begin with, to be "worth it" when he has so many other things to focus on outside his romantic life, over which he has much more control (business) and which are safer bets than some random guy he doesn't know. It's not your job to tell him what to prioritize in his life, and you have to respect it if dating is not something he's all that interested in at the moment -- even if that's not even a thought he's really articulated him to himself, yet. He's probably the type who does better once things get going (which is the kind of guy you prefer anyway) when he can see that it's a project that is worth his time. Be patient and do your best to just show him who you are and let him make an informed decision about whether or not he wants to try to try.

As for the third question, he has told you he needs a personal assistant. Your friend who you wanted to interview with him took another job, but hope is not lost. You know he's going through a major expansion of his printing company and you should just be glad he probably has better business sense than you do, you abstract-thinking academic! He probably doesn't even have time to interview assistants at this point, and it's probably on his mind that something has to give. He wouldn't have built so many successful business ventures if he didn't know how to handle his affairs, so just be patient -- he'll probably surface as soon as he can. Just don't expect a rose between his teeth (see earlier observation about the "straight guy" dating paradigm).

WOW I'd be such a good consultant! Ok well now that I understand you SO much better lol I'm going to go to the gym and NOT be bothered by our lack of communication. You're working really hard, and I understand that. I guess tonight I'll just study a bit, go to the gym, and watch Grey's Anatomy and Ugly Betty from the abc website (missed them last night).

:)

VC