Work It, Hingis!

Minutes away from her semifinal against Venus and I'm really nervous for her! I'm also perpetually sleepy because I'm malnourished and subconsciously stressed about my comprehensive exam, tomorrow. The only thing I've eaten for three days, now, is a medium pizza (the last two days, supplemented with two snickers crunch and two small bags of peanut M&Ms), and I think I really need to be physically healthy to be mentally healthy.

I'm going into hibernation mode, which I know some of you have seen (and maybe I've written about it?). Before big exams I sleep SO much, but it's like my body always knows when to turn on and use those sleep reserves.

It was weird, because I just had a dream, that I realized was a kind of repetitive/process-oriented dream continued many night before, where I keep going back to Afghanistan and India. At one point I was in an Indian river-race where we had to swim down this river, and at another point I was "home" in Afghanistan, which was oddly developed but still chaotic -- like imagine the kind of overbuilt chaos of Hong Kong transposed onto Afghanistan. It was really weird. I was SO tired when I got home (but was happy to be back, after my race in India), and I remember washing my face and almost falling asleep while washing it (in this weird sink that was too small and couldn't accommodate my washing needs, which was sort of a leitmotif that I can't fully explain) with a three-sided mirror. I remember looking at myself and saying: "It's been too many months since you went to the gym, and your body cannot keep up this life without conditioning."

The weirdest part of the dream was that I had this feeling of unease that occurs when you've been perpetually stressed and need to kind of decompress from the trauma. I was washing my face and frustrated by the size of my sink but felt like I needed to be cleaning my face in this little contained space...like I had become so accustomed, over the prior days, to being in survival mode doing all these rigorous tests in India and other parts of Afghanistan, and it was like I couldn't transition back, just yet, to my regular life again -- I couldn't let myself risk expanding into my space, if that makes any sense. I can't think of a way to properly articulate the feeling I had, but it was like if you had been serving in a war, and every day had to wash yourself using a small bucket, because it was not safe to go to the river to wash...and you get so used to your life depending on this restricted habit that when you return home from the war you can't so easily feel comfortable in some huge marble bathroom that asks you to spread out your life and regular activities into differently-compartmentalized spaces. That's the best I can describe it. I remember thinking: I am traumatized, but I will re-adjust, and I don't need to push myself now. The sink is ok for now, and I will sleep, and soon I will be back at the gym and using my shower and I will feel safe and strong again.

Weird, huh?

Here's the talismanic booty. [EDIT: Oh god! I can't get her booty image to load! Ok I'm going to upload a photo I took of my stuffed puppy sniffing my socks this morning...he's so naughty!...hopefully he'll help Hingis win!]


















GO HINGIS!

VC