Salam Productivity, Khodahafez Farsi

Well I've made the not-so-difficult decision to drop the Farsi class that I was never allowed to take in the first place, mostly because I've been having to ditch it so frequently to go to law school events. There seems to be an endless stream of speakers, dinners, trainings, and other things that I want to go to (at least once per week) and I feel like, at least for now, I should put that stuff first. I know that our OutLaws dinner (tomorrow night) is not as important as learning a language, but on the other hand it's events like that which present our only option to interact with law school people outside the classroom (or study groups), and I think I should seize that chance.

The secondary reason (actually it ties in importance with the first reason) is that I feel like, while I don't have an unmanageable amount of work, I do have a really heavy commitment load. I feel like, for whatever reason, I'm just totally loaded down with obligations, and it's really a welcome day when ALL I have to do is go to class and have me time.

Since starting back to the gym at the beginning of last week (I think 4 times in 8 days is not great, but not awful, either -- and only 1 pizza!) I also realized that, if I leave for the gym after my last law school class, I can exercise and be back uptown in my apartment before I would have even gotten out of Persian. With there being less daylight hours, more work, more need to de-stress and run a few miles each day, and (sadly) the mind-numbing pedagogical style of my Persian professor (who is, otherwise, a total sweetheart), it is clearly the right decision to give myself more me-time, and not sacrifice productivity in a lot of spheres (social, study, gym...) for one language class that I was just doing for enrichment, anyway.

It might sound strange, but I'm actually surprised with how productive I've been, lately, as well as how un-stressed I've been. Even going into my Legal Methods exam, last Friday, I was pretty relaxed, and even after having slept only 10 minutes the night before, I came straight back from the exam and did my Human Rights Internship Program (HRIP) application (even though it was not due until this Monday), had it reviewed by the Center for Public Interest Law, and went out that night with friends. Basically every day, I've been getting much-needed things done (calling this office or that company or sending XYZ emails), in addition to exercising, cooking for myself, keeping up on laundry and dishes...it's really...odd.

I think that I'm actually moving towards an equilibrium where I'm in perfectly-dampened motion and can sort of continue, without much adjusting, as long as my life stays as balanced as it is, now -- it's weird how spending energy on some things has actually given me more energy to do other things (like being healthy kind of feeds itself in the same way that being unhealthy prompts more unhealthiness).

Enough singing my own praises :) Back to contracts [I actually went to office hours, today, and the Professor and I are reading through a book together that I went down to NYU, after class, to pickup -- it's very law and econ intensive, but so is he, so we'll see how that goes...at least I'm interacting with him outside class]

VC

Fighting Temptation

In case you are wondering how I can sleep 13 hours a day on the weekend, I think all you need to see is how plush my bed is (thanks to the down mattress pad AND the down blanket from Curie that we used to call in college "the cloud" because it's so heavenly).

I sit down on the bed and am giddy with how nice it is.

Anyway, just got back from Contracts where I was AGAIN on call (this is getting unfair to the other students!) although we joked around and it was actually kind of fun; when I set my bag down on the bed and saw it sink into the cloud, I just had to take a photo.

I think even the worst insomniac would not last 5 minutes in this bed.

VC

Weird Dreams (and Dates)

Ok I am definitely sleeping too much, because I have had THE weirdest dreams lately.

I can understand my dreams last night, because they related very closely to a odd (but nice) date I had last night.

Quick date wrap-up.

The good: he's handsome, intelligent, cares about art, and seems overall to be very good-natured (and he's not threateningly charismatic, which is usually what I'm attracted to, but which doesn't usually make someone such a great person); his dog really liked me (and I liked it, and it wasn't my standard type, either); he's very boundary-less in terms of going for what he wants, which is excellent -- example: asking an indoor restaurant that the dog "picked" by staring at it when we walked by if, in the pouring rain, they'd extend their awning and bring a table outside for us...which they did (I like someone who indulges his own particularities, because that means he's less likely to condemn me for indulging mine, so long as our spheres of particularity do not overlap, leading to a power struggle); his terrace goes all around the entire building and is, estimating conservatively, 6 or 8 times the size of my entire apartment (hey -- at least it's only the size of his balcony I'm concerned with!).

The bad: there no evidence that he's had a successful relationship in the past (sound familiar?); he's said that he's restricted all non-essential travel since getting his dog seven years ago so that he's not left alone ("he" being the dog); his 28yo assistant (straight and with girlfriend) is now moving into a house that he owns in Brooklyn, and has power of attorney (don't ask me how that comes about on a first date!); he does not email (his assistant reads and writes all of his emails).

The odd: he has been doing extensive renovations to an apartment which I'd been hearing about since before Labor Day, which I just found out last night are actually three apartments that constitute the entire floor of a building in Greenwich Village that *get this* he's renting -- he doesn't buy, because he says it's cheaper to rent and he can just walk away from a rental and it's not his problem...this coming from a guy who has knocked down walls, totally changed the floors, is having new cabinets installed, had all the air conditioners covered in bamboo and window sills lined with marble...AND IT'S NOT EVEN HIS! He has what is probably the most important collection of Russian avant-garde art in the world (and was pleasantly surprised that I knew of some of the painters from a previous life) but wants to sell the whole thing to a Russian (or multiple Russians) in political trouble and looking for valuable art as a bargaining chip (eg: "Dear Government, I'll give this Faberge Egg to the Hermitage if you don't nationalize my oil company.") He has to bring his own salt everywhere he eats, and not because he can't request sea salt from the chef (which of course he could) but because he needs special unrefined powder sea salt. He is so deathly allergic to dogs that he cannot even get the allergy shots that would increase his tolerance because having even a small amount of hair injected into his arm could kill him; nevertheless, seven years ago, he spotted a dog from across the street that he said he instantly knew was brilliant, and went to the guy with the dog and said "tell me about this dog," and the guy told him that he found it the day before with the police taking it to the pound, and couldn't keep it because he was leaving NYC; J then told the guy that he would take the dog, and (not to his surprise) even after not letting it on any furniture, washing all the time after he touches it, and having restricted areas of the house where it can never ever go, he lost 70% of his lung capacity within a few weeks -- the solution? Steroid shots twice daily. [Note: this is why, when he invited me a Juicy MD to a concert of Phillip Glass, who I didn't know at the time is one of his best friends, in the Hamptons, he said that she wouldn't have to worry about the dog, because it's not allowed to go to the main part of the house...since he is also allergic to his own dog!]

In all, he seems like someone who has a lot of potential, but the date was really halted by these long pregnant pauses in which he'd just grin at me (or not at me), which under normal circumstances would be romantic (if a bit off-putting), but last night I learned meant: "I'm thinking about how cute the dog is right now." It was hard for us to talk about ANYTHING, because we were so focused on the dog...how smart he is (he is REALLY well-trained even though he was never actually trained at all and is a total sweetheart)...how he performs cost benefit analysis ("do I take the treat or insist we walk the direction I want to walk?")...how he takes contracts seriously ("if I take the treat then I can't trick J and make him walk my direction anyway. I have to agree to go the way he wants to go")...how he makes instant value judgments about people that J trusts, etc. It was really good for me that the dog loved me, but I feel like it was hard for me to get to know J not only because his life itself doesn't fit into the standard boxes we grab on to when we get to know someone (I mean, someone who doesn't work per se, but rather "works" at watching his investments and his art collection, and who doesn't talk much about either -- you can't ask him about his day!), but also because he just isn't that easy to talk to because we had to be so distracted by the (extremely cute) dog.

Sidenote: "our" dog started playing with another dog (kind of at my request) which is perhaps the cutest white puff of a thing I've ever seen. It was an American Eskimo. Remember that.

Ok so the dreams (is it obvious that I'm procrastinating before my Legal Methods exam in 16 hours?...I have a second date with a nice Israeli tonight, actually!). I had a REALLY restless sleep last night because I dreamt that I was at J's house, except he not only had pets (many of them -- some of them odd found-objects and other things that are NOT, in real life, pets, but had somehow come to life in the dream) but also children, and I had to sort of be tested by all of them to see how well I could handle all his pets and kids, while going from room to room in this house filled with art oddities. It was just...really odd. I'd be, like, chasing a tiny rainbow coloured crocodile with one of his ethnically-mismatched daughters (REALLY a weird dream!) and then have to stop in front of some antique mirror and, like, be amazed by it in order to be properly respectful to his space. It was VERY odd.

I just took a nap after brunch wherein I dreamed that my nieces (kind of), some of their friends (kind of), and some random people from my law school (again, they were sometimes there, sometimes not, and I don't really know most of them in real life) came to my mother's place in CA for Thanksgiving *along with* a group of traveling nuns trying to recruit the girls in the group to join the convent. I remember that our house was REALLY cluttered (eg: with glasses with formal napkins in them, unwashed, etc.) -- which is SO not how my mother has her house -- and that even though the dinner went really well, I found my mother crying in my walk-in closet, talking about what a failure it was and how she wanted everything to be perfect (ok that part could actually happen in real life lol). When I started to reassure her that everyone had a great time, she then tried to find the silver lining in the nuns, and said "well at least they make us take the girls out to see the world before they are allowed to commit themselves to the convent, unlike the ones who came to Webb [my high school]" (weird since that never happened) at which point my mother and I both put black pillow cases over our heads, folded in the back, to see what we'd look like as nuns, and then joined the rest of the party. The dream then became about how we were, like, flying the girls all over the world so that they could make an informed decision about joining a convent, and the last thing I remember, after an extremely vivid (and fun) take-off in the middle of a lightening storm (it was like blasting off in a rocket ship) was waiting in line for coffee on the plane, disappointed that they only had one little chocolate cracker thing to offer by the time they gave me my snack, and it was ruined because it had orange marmalade stuff on it.

Have to study before my date! I'm going to tell the Israeli that we have two hours for dinner and then I *have* to come back and study for my Legal Methods exam (which is just pass/fail, but still). He invited me to a gallery opening, but I'm going to be disciplined and stay home and only meet him for dinner.

VC

PS: To anyone who has doubted my ability to move-on post-Pookie, please kiss it. There's a difference between loving someone and being a fool. I love Pookie and wish that we had some involvement in each other's lives (even non-romantic) but we don't, and it's a choice he made that I'm not going to cry over or foolishly fret about. The loss may not be entirely his, but the choice was, and he's old enough that if he wants to continue to make the same mistakes that he's made throughout his life and then lie to himself about what they mean, then he should be able to do that.

Stuffing My Face at Midnight

No, I wasn't breaking my diet -- I was keeping it!

So after getting back from the gym, last night, and downing a huge can of green beans in its entirety, I added up my calories for the day, which, before expending 300+ calories at the gym, was only 540. NOT GOOD. I don't care what kind of diet you're on, having a deficit of almost 2000 calories at the end of the day is not healthy or sustainable. So, at midnight, I finally had the reserve to go to the market and MAKE myself buy food that I could eat before bed. It was actually kind of like a game -- what products to buy that could add up to give me the calories I needed for the day (my target is about 1460) while maximizing nutrition and fullness. I ended up cooking myself some tortellini (which I couldn't even eat half of -- those green beans were filling!), having a protein drink with some lactose-free milk (testing out the theory that I might be lactose intolerant), and some rice crackers covered in wasabi (LOVE THOSE!).

It was really kind of funny that I was exhausted and wanted to sleep but had to eat!

Diets are odd things.

On more food news, I have discovered that tea is AMAZING! Zero calories and it doesn't require sugar to be potable (unlike coffee), and still can give you the pep you need to be called on AGAIN in Contracts.

A friend of mine was making fun of me after class, today, because when I'm called on I get all quiet and nervous (surprising, I know), but it's honestly because I'm given questions that are too easy! I was all prepared to describe a complicated multi-step application of a part of the Universal Commercial Code (so complicated that the professor even gave us a huge flow chart to help us navigate it), but instead was asked about the method by which a particular contract was formed in one of our cases (that we were supposed to read for yesterday, of course) and I was stuck for a minute, trying to conjure up some theory of contract formation, when I was like "you mean by telephone?" Yes. He just wanted to know how one party contacted the other (which, for the record, was not even material to this case).

I promise to not annoy you with BOTH diets and law school (I figure restricting myself to the first topic will be sufficiently tedious to my readers), but I just think it's funny how in the past two days I managed to define myself, to my surprise, as the shy guy who struggles with easy questions and doesn't do the torts reading...talk about poorly representing myself!

Too bad :)

VC

Hop on the Bus

Thanks to Vanine for for alerting me to John Cameron Mitchell's Shortbus movie opening!

I'm so excited to see what he's done to follow-up Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

This movie doesn't sound so much my taste as, say, Desi's, but I feel like JCM is so talented that it will be good. So I'm seeing it.

So should you.

VC

Worst Day in Law School History

I was on call for all three of my classes (on call not meaning "warned in advance that today would be my day" but rather that I was cold-called in all of them).

Contracts went fine. We have an oddly good relationship even though I'm not one of his favourite females and he has clerked with two of the most audaciously conservative ("economics-minded," "originalists" pick your euphemism) judges on the planet (Posner and Scalia).

Civ Pro started bad (the question she asked was so simple that I thought there must be more to it), but ended up fine (or so I thought) even though she was asking me about a case that just appeared as a note to another case and that we were supposed to read days ago.

Torts was where it all ended. We have never, EVER gotten through all the reading assigned for class, so while I haven't fallen behind in the class, I do enter each day a little behind, but at the end of the day HE is behind us (so each day we are picking up the slack from the day before and you know that if you've done the reading from the prior day, which I had, then 80% of the next day's reading will be plenty).

Well we have a supplement to the book that you have to download online, and to make a long story short, when he called on the guy next to me (which in Torts means that I'll be called next) he skipped ahead three cases to the end of today's reading, a reading from the supplement. The guy next to me had to pass, at which point the professor (this is his version of angry) made a little comment about he thinks that he assigns less reading than other professors, and then asked me if I could answer, which I couldn't. It was SO bad. I mean the worst moment to have to pass, because he was already mad, and it was about a sensitive thing (the supplement). When other students pass it just means "didn't know the specific answer" but in this case it seemed (to him) to mean "I don't read anything from the supplement."

You may recall that this is the professor I have the huge crush on.

After class a guy in my section was like "tough day, VC" and then on the way home he proceeded to elaborate: "Well...I guess you weren't that bad in civ pro...not as bad as some of the others" and even went on to say: "What happened to you today is my worst nightmare...that's all I can say...my worst nightmare."

I told him thank god the exams are graded blindly, and that it's not SUCH a huge deal (it feels like it is, but I know that it isn't) and he was like "yeah, I guess it's not the end of the world," to which I replied: "It's not even CLOSE to the end of the world...it's not even half way there."

People have no perspective.

I'm going to the gym, which will mean that I've successfully avoided the "I feel bad about my day and so I'm going to stop being healthy" trap, and even though I really wanted the baked goods that some sorority was selling (those girls can really bake!), I totally resisted.

So, yeah. I was on call in all my classes (which I have never seen happen to anyone, yet) and totally embarrassed myself in front of my crush professor and made him frustrated and disappointed in the process.

GO ME!

VC

Small Portions, Huge Fork

Small Portions: I'm dieting and exercising. I had a false start two weeks ago to the diet (5 days of healthy eating with no cheating were interrupted by *someone's* arrival from New Haven), but I'm back and today I ate healthfully AND ran. Let's see how long this lasts. I just realized that I gained a pound, this past year, for every year that I've been alive. How not cute.

More importantly, Huge Fork: My career angst, expressed in a series of emails between me and a friend (who is also the closest thing I have to a romantic option, but who is still very, very far from being a boyfriend)...and no, I didn't edit these emails, so sorry:

1. Me to T:

I'm ditching Persian class and going for a run.

Ted, I'm literally going crazy about my career. I swing wildly between "just try things at the UN and do the human rights thing and see how it goes," to "you are fooling yourself if you think you can be happy on a UN salary; get yourself into private industry and figure out how and where -- fast" to "you don't graduate until 2009 so calm down and shut up." I'm also a bit worried by the fact that if I win a human rights fellowship from Columbia for this summer and then take the money and transfer to Yale in the Fall, I have to pay them back for the summer...which would suck...but I think I need to just behave as if I'm not even thinking about Yale and not even thinking about money.

Let's hope I'm not someone who manufactures stress when the waters are clear (better than manufacturing drama, though).

End result of my stress? I need to go for a run :)

2. T to me:

Don’t go crazy, my thought is to calm down a bit, move toward a well paying position that will give you the comfort and options to devote some of your time to human rights. I would recommend not pigeon holing yourself too early in your career but to built the reputation of being a good, strong attorney that can create successful billable hours and do great charitable work.

Anyway that is my soap box… you know what ever you decide I will be supportive.

3. Me to T:

Spoken like a true consultant :)

Actually, though, your advice (although good for someone not in my position) doesn't really apply to me for a few reasons [by the way -- I know you're busy, so don't take this as something I expect you to reply to...it's just so you know me, and then in person we can talk about these things...or not...it's just getting you more familiar with what I'm all about, so don't feel obligated to reply at midnight or something when you have tons of work to do and sleep to catch up on...I know this email is quite an epic]:

I am not interested in practicing law in the private sector (working as a legal assistant at a corporate firm after college helped me decide that), and the only reason I came to law school was to get the credentials necessary to join a guild of public international lawyers (I mean that non-literally). Private sector work interests me as little (or less) than finance, the hours are just as bad, and the pay, from the mid- to long-range, is much worse. In other words: if I'm not a human rights lawyer then I'm not a lawyer, because more gainful and equally or less miserable employment lays elsewhere.

I think your advice is really good for someone who first wants to be a lawyer and second wants to be a do-gooder. The thing with me is that being a lawyer is not my number one priority, and I am not interested in do-gooding at such an abstract level that I'd be happy with charity/pro bono just because it's warm and fuzzy for the world. I like international human rights law and humanitarian law because it's interesting to my brain; it's dynamic, evolving, and intellectually very stimulating *and* (as bonus) yes you get good person points for it.

It is possible for me to claw my way into the extremely competitive world of international law -- I could probably get something with an interesting (from the outside) organization, from the UN, to the ICRC, to any number of great places. The problem is that I think that in a lot of cases the corporate culture at a place like the UN is pretty awful, and there are a lot of people who like the prestige of being involved in human rights but are not truly interesting and committed people (I saw this in Afghanistan). The pay is also REALLY bad. I mean even after YEARS at one of these organizations I'd still be making almost nothing, and I wish (so much!) that I was someone who could live on a tight budget, but the reality is that it makes me pretty unhappy. No, I don't chase all the latest trends or feel the need to fill some void with consumer goods, but I think that it's hard to imagine (indeed, as a law student: to practice) not being able to spend freely on some of my favourite things, and (more importantly for grown-ups) to at the same time save and build a home, investments, etc. I met with my second boyfriend (back in December 2003 we broke up) who was a human rights officer at the UN for years, and he thinks that I shouldn't worry about it, and reminded me that when you are on mission in hazardous areas you get all kinds of bonuses, but that's exactly what I don't want to be -- one of those people who chases one crisis after another *for the money* (SO many UN people in Afghanistan were happy to live in gorgeous homes, get tons of money, and basically do almost nothing while having the world think they are such holy people) with no permanent home, stable relationship, etc.

So as far as international law goes, it's tough to get into, it might not even be what I'm hoping it will be in terms of the work, and the pay will always be a struggle.

That's where I get stressed: I jump to the endgame where I say: Ok, I graduate law school when I'm 27, work in the public sector for three years, and at 30 realize "This was ok, but I can't live like this, and I want more for myself...and I don't need to work as a human rights lawyer to be a good person" and then need to find an alternative path. What? McKinsey? An MBA? Leveraging my experience in the Middle East (my MA and language experience and having lived there) to specialize in energy consulting or something?

After my run, tonight, I was walking down 5th Ave and Central Park South and was just thinking about how uncomfortable it makes me that the choices I'll be making the next few years will basically decide whether or not I'll ever see over the top of Central Park. I'm practical about the fact that the pleasure/utility I could derive from a couple nice homes in less expensive parts of the world could count for a lot more happiness-wise than a small, multimillion dollar apartment overlooking the park, but what makes me uncomfortable is that I won't even have that choice. I've always known that I could basically do anything, and therefore give myself anything, but I'm getting to that stage (as all adults do) where my choices are going to start having real opportunity costs.

I don't believe that human rights is the only path to happiness, and as much as I don't believe that I need to go shopping every week at Hermes to be happy, I also think that being in my 30s and 40s and beyond and not even having the OPTION (regardless of what my actual preferences will be) will make me feel confined and unhappy, and as much as I don't think human rights is the exclusive gateway to happiness (nor is material wealth), I also don't buy into the myth that the corporate road is one that leads inevitably to miserable and moral darkness. Who is to say that there is not some job out there, that right now maybe I don't even know exists (there are SO many niches in consulting, in finance, in investment management, etc.) that I might love AND be compensated well at.

This is why I'm stressing. I feel like I'm at a big huge fork, or at least it's SO big that I can see it immanently in the distance, and I don't know which way to go, and I don't know how to get myself the information to know which way to go (and don't forget that law school is a $65,000/year uncertainty!).

HAHAHAH. See the run totally didn't help. I ran, came back, slept for three hours, and now I'm stressed again (which is not to say that I'm unhappy, but I am a bit concerned that there seems to be an uncomfortable decision, here, that I don't know how to make).

VC

Manhattan Beats SF

It's official -- Manhattan IS more expensive to get a home than San Fransisco.

I'm totally moving to Madrid.

VC

Senate Prediction

I don't know why anyone thought the Democrats had a chance of taking back the Sentate. They are insane.

According to my predictions, the Democrats will probably be 4 seats down to the Republicans (we couldn't even win New Jersey!), and although on the map I've linked to I still have Rhode Island, Montana, and Missouri as toss-ups, I think that Missouri always PRETENDS to be a swing state and ALWAYS goes republican, and I think that Rhode Island will go democratic, as well as (hopefully) Montana, making my prediction:

Republicans: 52
Democrats: 48

Boo.

VC

Dream Home

Ok, for ONCE the NYTimes actually had a link to a place I think is worth living in. Usually, they link to $25M condos in the Waldorf-Astoria that still require all the walls etc. to be built and are nothing more than expensive space. This is TOTALLY different. I'm sure it's insanely-priced, and I think a lot of what it has to offer as far as the concierge services and library lounge etc. go are a bit useless (I want to be IN my condo, not with my neighbours!), but I mean this building is AMAZING.

I would actually kill a small puppy with my bare hands to live here. I mean I'd snap its neck. I really would.

Check it out :)

VC

Me and My Protozoa

Breaking news!

I DO HAVE A PARASITE!

I know this is not commonly said, but: "I'm so happy I have a parasite!"

It appears that my recent diagnosis of ulcerative colitis may not be correct after all.

I can't believe the nurse practitioner who counseled me didn't even want to do stool samples, even though I told her I was pretty sure I had a parasite and HAD had one for probably almost a year.

It shouldn't be a big deal. Antibiotic treatment. The kind of cool, except for the fact that it's in my body, thing about this particular protozoa (blastocytis hominis) is that it can actually carry diseases from animals to humans. I think that's pretty impressive. Now I just need to figure out if there is a particular kind of mad cow disease that makes one eat pizza all the time (anorexia is one of the potential symptoms of infection with this parasite, and we KNOW I don't have that! lol).

You can see a photo of my protozoa (well not mine, but a relative) here in the blog.

VC

PS: Went to the orthodontist to check on invisalign. He wanted $6500 (and that was after giving me a discount because he was a Persian Jew, so we had a lot in common...kind of). That is SO not going to happen, right now.

Bush 9/11 Instablog

30 Seconds Until Takeoff... (Yes Wolf Blitzer is actually having a countdown)

Here we go!

President Bush on 9/11: 5 Years Later

• The attacks were of a barbarity unequaled on our history
• It was the initiation of a war on the entire free world
• Today we are safer, but we are not yet safe
• People praying and calling their children in times of disaster are "uniquely American" acts
• Fire fighters and police officers are "choking up" (maybe because of the permanent lung damage they sustained when they were lied to about the air quality at Ground Zero?)
• What we've learned since 9/11: The enemy kills with purpose and despises dissent (sound like another regime we know?); their goal: lock women up and beat men who miss scheduled prayer
• We put Al-Qaeda and the Taliban on the run (it was a gradual circle they ran: through Tora Bora into the NWFP in Pakistan and now back to where they stared in Afghanistan!)
• The world is safer without Saddam.
• Sectarian violence in Iraq is directed at the US (hmmmm -- now THAT'S some good "this isn't a Civil War because it's not internally directed" logic lol)
• Bush is of the same mind as Bin Laden that this is WW3 and if the US loses then it will be forever shamed
• The Iraqi people have been steadfast (probably because we don't grant them visas)
• Home Land Security was the magic key to monitoring terrorist phone calls (ok...and our phone calls, too)
• The most powerful weapon in the Executive arsenal is the power of freedom -- the pulling of voting levers makes terrorists wet their beds
• This is not a clash of civilizations; it is a struggle for civilization (there is only one, apparently, and it's found in a Texas church)
• Do we have the courage to do in the Middle East what our fathers and grandfathers did in Europe and Asia (drop a nuclear weapon or two? ignore a genocide or two?)
• Bush believes that he is analogous to Roosevelt and Truman, because they also pursued global peace with unforseen negative short-run consequences
• The war will be over when the sky parts, clouds clear, and radicalism disappears (so no more Evangelicals?) at which point we will enter a shining age of human liberty, with faith in a loving god who made us to be free
  
• Sons should go to war, and mothers should cross their fingers and pray (I'm not kidding!)

V(omiting)C(hunks)

THE INTERVIEW IS FOUND

I know I've talked about it to people, and I've finally found it.

WENDY WILLIAMS'S INTERVIEW OF WHITNEY HOUSTON.

In three parts.

You can't make this stuff up!

The third part is maybe when she gets most excited...I mean it's full of choice soundbytes. Wendy actually explained later on that Whitney basically called her for like 2 hours and she just let the tape role, and that it was like she swung between regular Whitney and TOTALLY high f*cked-up Whitney, and it was hard for Wendy to even get enough clear parts to put together the interview!

VC

PS: For those of you who need to catch up -- Wendy Williams is the NYC radio host who I used to listen to in the afternoons when I'd run and sun in the part, and I got TOTALLY addicted to her and her...let's say..."unique" vocabulary ("professional" = blow job, "jump off" = person someone cheat's with, etc. --> In context --> Caller: "Wendy, I'm worried about my marriage. My husband and I have been together 7 years but you know, I ain't never ONCE given him a professional." Wendy: "Seven years? So he's had a least four jump-offs by now..."). She's SO real, and she will say directly what is on her mind (as you can see in the Whitney interview), but what's so great is that she's such a fixture in the R&B/Hip Hop world that these artists CANNOT ignore her. She is GREAT for gangster gossip, too, but it's like everyone respects her too much to take a shot at her.

Patriotism Prediction

ALERT!

Tiger Woods is sitting in Switzerland's Roger Federer's box at the US Open final against Andy Roddick of the USA.

I'm just waiting for the you-kn0w-whos to accuse him of being unpatriotic!

VC

Growing Up Fast

I don't have time/energy/desire to do the "and this is how law school is" blog, yet. It's not that important (I'll explain that later!), and not blogging about law school will help me stay under the CLS blogger radar for a while.

Just wanted to share what I consider to be a sort of funny exchange with a guy online who saw my profile and sent me the message(s) you'll read, below. Keep in mind he's only 36 lol. I think it's hilarous that he starts off by warning me against going for older men, then when I blew him away with my boundless maturity (j/k) he turned around and hit on me, himself!

GUY:

ok: i'm going to be an asshole: but believe me, adult lufe doesn't happen till you're my age. enjoy your youth while you can....

advice from a person who grew up too fast.

ME:

Not asshole-ish at all. I'm not really sure why it is you think that I'm not enjoying my life or am growing up too fast lol. When you leave home so young, move to the City so young, live all over the world and go to places MOST people will only see on the discovery channel or a CNN "brink of war" special, then I think a lot of life is thrust upon you, and you do your best to squeeze as many lessons from that as possible, not take yourself too seriously, and remember that no matter how fast you think you're going down your path, what lies in front of you just gets longer and longer the more of the world and its people you open yourself to.

I'm not one of these people looking for a life or a result that puts my twenties behind me and thrusts me into middle age lol. I'm definitely living in the now and am grounded and appreciative! I just happen to be more physically attracted to guys who are older and untwinkish, and have more to say to people who can at least point to some of the places I've lived or are important to me on a map -- that's not to say there's not PLENTY of room for trivialty and frivolity!

I still shake my ass to the radio and get frustratingly addicted to crap reality tv like most 24yos, if that makes you sleep better at night.

:)

GUY:

i'm not sure why i thought you might be growing up too fast. i hope i didn't seem condescending. you sound like a very bright-minded and experienced fellow.

maybe something in your profile triggered a moment of unsolicted advice. when i was 19 or thereabouts i got involved with a man 15 years older than i--it lasted four years. but the reason i called it quits was primarily thai wasn't done being youthful. i thought i was an adult at fourteen, and once i moved to the city, i had a gradual recession.

anyway, thanks for not judging me as i might have been judged. your message was an incredible display ofintelligence, which just adds to your appeal. naturally, i wrote to you because i thought you were cute. how shallow!

VC

Legal Methods Brief

Well I know you are all dying to hear my observations about orientation and my first day of class (to sum it all up in one word: tiring), but I'm going to hold off on blogging about that stuff until my work is finished, so you might not get to hear all that stuff until Friday night or Saturday, when I can give you a week in review.

For everyone who is not really familiar with law school study methods, though, I thought I'd give you a little peak at what I'm working on (I promise I won't normally blog about law school work because that would be way more boring than hearing about my fictitious romances with world-class athletes). Since most law school classes use a case study method to introduce students to the law, and since most law school classes also ask that students have a certain mastery over the cases they've read, so as to be prepared to answer questions posed to them as part of the Socratic method (and yes, my professor totally "cold calls" and surprises people, but he's really nice even when people don't really give him what he's looking for), students develop "briefs" of cases, which are essentially handy references that allow you to talk about a case without memorizing it or having to wade through the text in the casebook.

Here is a brief I've done for one of the cases we'll be talking about tomorrow. At this stage, we're not reading cases for points of substantive law (it's not actually that important, in the case below, what 19th century British law says about employer liability and workman's comp). Rather, we're interested in seeing how the law develops over time and how it functions in response to different challenges (so in this case, we are interested in how a common-law court dealt with a new legal question by looking at potentially analogous situations it had addressed in the past, considering questions of social utility/policy, and then clarifying the issue of implied contracts and duties between masters and servants in a way that had not been done before).

Enjoy!

Priestly (servant) v. Fowler (master)

Procedural History

• Priestly sued Fowler for thigh injury
• Court awarded 100 pounds to Priestly
• Fowler appealed (obtained a rule to show cause why the judgment should not be arrested)

Issues

Main issue:

Does the nature of the master/servant relationship imply a contract with the associated duty being that it is the responsibility of the master (Fowler) to ensure his servant’s (Priestly’s) safety?

Secondary issue:

Is the servant bound to risk his safety in the service of his master, or could Priestly have refused Fowler’s request to transport the goods in the van if he had reasonably apprehended danger to himself in carrying out that request?

Non-issue:

How does Fowler’s liability relate to his knowledge of the repair and loading status of the van?

Facts

• Fowler, as master, directed his servant Priestly to transport goods in a van
• The van was in disrepair, was overloaded, and Fowler was not properly secured within the vehicle
• The van broke-down and Fowler fractured his thigh as a result

Rule of Law

The court recognizes “implied in law” terms to the contract between a stagecoach passenger and the stagecoach company, but there is “no precedent for the present action by a servant against a master.”

Reasoning

• Because Fowler’s knowledge of the status of the van is unknown, the court will not treat his liability as it relates to his awareness of the van.
• The servant is not bound to risk his safety and can refuse his master’s request.
• There is no such implied contract between master and servant. Furthermore, a general servant has knowledge of the situation that a stagecoach passenger does not, so the analogy between the stagecoach and the master does not apply.
• To have the master liable to the servant would have bad policy consequences.

Holding

The judgment was arrested (Lord Abinger), and Fowler was not required to pay Priestly.

VC

PS: It's totally not important in these cases what court the case appeared in (because it's an obscure British court that no longer exists) or who the legal personalities involved were (which is something we might focus on a lot more in a more recent Supreme Court ruling).

Lenfest Morning

Well they might not be as interesting as Impressionist time series, but here are some photos from my place that I've taken in the early morning.

The first two I took at the crack of dawn before going to bed a few days ago.


The next two are framed more or less the same as the first two, but were taken this morning a bit later in the morning (6:30AM or so) when the sky was even more dramatic.


The last two are just the view from my windows, but I really like the first one because it was so uncanny when I looked through the lens to take the photo. It was late enough in the morning (about 8AM) when I took it a few days ago that the street was fully lit, and yet there was not a single moving person or car on it, and it gave the huge red gridded buildings (many of them housing projects in the distance in Upper Manhattan) this toy lego quality. Very weird. The second one I'm only including for completeness (so you can see the whole view), but as you can see I have issues photographing through my screen, which also limited the framing of the sunrise photos.














Off to register for Orientation!

VC

A Manhattan Foot

NYC: Where apartment space is now worth more than $4,000 per square foot.

VC

Geisha Be Gone

As many of you know, I recently took a trip to Montreal that was intended as a kind of exploration of romantic potential with an ex who has become a valued friend and true supported of The Chunk.

Those with whom I've talked about the trip might recall that I felt almost unethical engaging on this fact-finding mission with someone for whom I thought that I basically already knew the outcome: I was not interested in him in that way. The analogy I used with most people was that if we had been forced into an arranged marriage, then we could have made it work, but that we'd be missing out on having a lot of our needs met if we settled on each other.

There were two factors which led me to go through the romantic motions, though, and I think they're both important to understand (especially because one of them was very subtle and did not occur to me that I was doing it until I was back home in California):

1. Despite the feelings I've had throughout the past two years for R (that you are probably tired of me blogging about, here), I knew that I should not wait for him to come around or agree to something that he may never want (nor, perhaps, should he want). It was important for me to still date and pursue romantic options and not pine away for something that might never materialize. I knew that I'd be a healthier individual AND a better friend to R (even though he already has a truly excellent circle of friends -- another bonus to being wit him!) if I weren't engaged in that kind of waiting exercise. When it became clear to me that L (I find it sort of funny that their initials are L & R and trust me there really are just about as opposite as are left and right!) was looking to explore romantic possibilities with me, I felt, as I do with other options that come up, that I should look into it, even if I thought that the chances were very small that it would be, in the end, something I would really want or could make work.

2. (this is the subtle one that surprised me when I realized I was doing it) I met L at one of the most difficult times in my life, which I've already blogged about, here. Although I actually declined his offer to date (opting, instead, for a rather ridiculous, in retrospect, whirlwind romance with a UN human rights officer), I did, over a period of months, realize that he represented a possibility yet unknown to me: to love and respect A MAN in a totally platonic way that is free from manipulation and full of healing. As happens with most people we sincerely care for, I came to feel very invested, these past few years, in his own personal struggle to locate himself, and part of that involved wanting for him what he wanted -- an intelligent, sincere, ethical (younger) partner. Unfortunately (I say "unfortunately" because I think that it's unfortunate for both of us that there was any misrepresentation of feelings) I, at some point, decided that I wanted so much for him to be with someone that I was willing to offer myself.

Now, let's be clear: I'm not saying that I'm so selfless and wonderful that I was willing to pretend to care about someone I didn't just so he'd be happy. Not at all. Rather, I was willing to try to make myself see in someone a romantic possibility that I didn't think was there because there was already such a strong basis of mutual respect and caring, and because I wanted for him, as someone I valued, to have something that could make him happy (the flaw in my thinking is, of course, that he could never be happy with someone who deep down didn't want to be in that situation, and I wonder if at some level he sensed that).

As some of you heard me say with increasing frequency as the time for the Montreal trip approached: "I love L, but I don't want to be with him. I just can't change that." This is UNRELATED TO (and this is key) my usual followup-statement (UNRELATED, but both statements are true): "I want to be with R."

In one of our SEVERAL journeys to pick up the constantly in-repair car, my mother and I talked about our experiences and habits of playing geisha to men we didn't really love (I should again stress that L was a slightly different case, because I care about him a lot, just not in that way). I still have not been able to totally understand why it is that we slip into these personnas, but I think it's perhaps that we focus on being what someone else wants because we are at some level afraid of articulating, going-for, and then receiving what we want (and need), that fear existing at multiple levels -- fear of being rejected or punished if we express our needs; fear of not being deserving, capable, or ready/responsible enough to receive what we've asked for; fear of asking too much; fear of what must be a startling calmness that comes when things aren't broken in our lives.

It's an important thing to understand, because I realized that it coloured so much of my interaction with men (and I am not like this in my friendships to any comparable degree). From the kind of sexual partner I am to the kind of dinner date I am, I have caught myself so many times constructing myself so as to accommodate, to the best of my ability, the needs of a man -- many times needs that he couldn't even himself articulate or understand, but that I have been able to anticipate and address. If you have ever wondered why someone of rather average physical appearance has had so many people convinced they were in love, or at the very least infatuated, well this is how. The pernicious thing about the whole process is that they only get what they need/want in the short-term (because in the long-term they are either eventually rejected or are smart enough to self-distance when they realize what is going on, that their needs are not being sincerely and sustainably met) AND we don't get what we want either (indeed we scarcely understand what it is that we want).

I should say, also, that I'm not coming to all this now. This is stuff I realized and worked on in Cairo, and even if thoughts preceded corrective action, I have come a LONG way.

Not that everything must always come back to R (I hate feeling like to some readers that undercuts my other observations/statements), but this is also one of the reasons that I have known that my love for him has been so sincere. I don't perform. There's no faking. There's no manipulation. My strategy totally falls to pieces. It's also why I would tell him *and mean it* that I didn't want HIM to try to burden himself with his ANTICIPATED expectations of what I'd want from him, and then force-feed himself our relationship and go through the motions of a partnership, the terms of which he didn't agree to or have any hand in setting. I've been there and done that, and I don't want anyone to do it for me, especially not someone I love and want to be happy.

Returning to L and Montreal, I had so much anxiety about this trip because I was so dreading the performance, and not just in a self-pitying "I don't want to do this because I don't want to" way, but also in an "I don't want to do this, because I'm not sure it's right for HIM" way. It was SUCH a relief (as I told many of you when we got back) when it turned out that L kept a physical distance in Montreal. I'd been trying to get together with him since coming back BOTH for silly errands-running help AND because I wasn't prepared to feel like my last performance was safely behind me until I'd heard from his lips that romance was not his agenda.

Today, after a distressing amount of silence on his part (I do well with honesty, not with silence and ex-post-silence retrospective honesty) he expressed his wish that we be friends, not lovers. I felt bad for him that he was so concerned about letting me down, but as I told him in the email that I sent him, this is a huge relief to me. As I've tried to regulate and limit the geisha tendencies so that I'm in that kind of situation as infrequently as possible, there was the lingering problem of L and the fact that it was one of the most significant remaining interactions like that in my life, with the consequences (especially to him, I worried) being also great.

Well it's been two very productive days. I was with Dr. Juicy for 9 hours yesterday, the majority of which were spent studying Arabic (well she was studying for her OB/GYN exams), and today she nabbed a table for us at the Barnes & Noble in Lincoln Center at 9:15AM and we worked there until lunch. I came home, read L's email and replied, and now blogged. Back to Arabic, feeling great about the way things are going (both with Arabic and in my life) and really happy to have made my life that much more REAL lol (you have to admit, I'm totally one of the most real people you know ;p).

VC

Marc Jacobs & Pookie Update PLUS Bonus Ghetto Song

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Glenn Beck is an Idiot

I should say that with the qualification that when I flipped his program on CNN Headline News on, I wasn't entirely sure if it was him or a guest talking (I came in RIGHT when the idiocy started), but he (or guest) finished a segment on Iran with the statement:

"I just want to say to you all that I believe that these mullahs are far worse than Hitler."

I don't think I need to comment on that.

The problem, here, and it's also what helped turn Nancy Grace into a GREAT prosecutor and advocate into a hyperbolic gunner, is that CNN Headline news is intended to be gripping, sensational, over-the-top, and, for all that, Fox News's direct competitor (here in OC they are actually on adjacent channels, with Nancy coming on at the same time as CNN-turned-Fox swan [aka: plastic surgery galore as part of network switch contract] Greta Van Sustren, for example) and that means reduced quality. I think that CNN (the prime station) is intended to compete with a station like BBC, but isn't editorialized/cult of the personality enough to compete with fox (it's not Jerry Springer enough to capture the attention of the ADD American audience), which is why CNN Headline News (even the name implies fast tidbits: the news distilled) is the real Fox News competitor.

Ok I have to stop watching this show. He just started talking about he's an alcoholic and the "insanity" in LA.

VC

PS: OH GOD! I should have switched it off when I said I would. He just rallied against Hep B vaccinations in LA schools because it vaccinates for a "sexually-transmitted disease." HELLO! It's not like saying to kids "ok, now it's safe to have sex." It's saying: "This is becoming a big problem in the world, and we didn't used to have a vaccine. Now we do. You might need this as an adult." THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN STUPID PEOPLE ARE GIVEN MICROPHONES!

Celine Dramatics (but still touching)

So I thought I blogged about this back when it happened, but maybe not.

When Hurrican Katrina destroyed part of the Southern gulf coast, Larry King had an impromptu fundraiser. Well Celine Dion had already, of her own initiative, given $1 million, but she still appeared on his show.

Now, I was generally not impressed with the coverage of Katrina (even from Anderson Cooper) but I did find Celine to be really touching (and really, as always, over the top).

A few things I like about this:

1. Her emphasis that her $1 million isn't even what she wants to talk about
2. Her comments about the looting and how that's not what we should be focusing on
3. Her confusion over our capability to enter Iraq but not Louisiana
4. Her comments about mothers and children
5. Her determination that we need to just GO and get people out

What always cracks me up when I think about that interview (and now, months later, I've seen the clip again) is that she's crying and going on this diatribe against the relief effort and then Larry is literally like "so...um...can you sing something?" and Celine literally wipes her mascara from her eyes and is like "well...I guess I could..." sniffs, and does a GREAT job on "The Prayer" (the one she did with Andrea Bocelli).

Sort of cracks me up, the singing at the end, but the interview is really touching. It actually made me cry when I watched it when it was live on CNN, and even now a few times she gives me chills (I think she's WAY dramatic, but also so sincere that it's touching).

HERE IT IS

VC

Rufus Followup: Reviews

For those of you (basically, I guess, my mom) who also love Rufus, here are three reviews of his Judy Garland concert (the one at Carnegie). I have to give Wong credit that she alerted me to this concert a long time ago, but I was busy hating Cairo and didn't pay a lot of attention to is:

New York Times review

BBC Review

Harp Magazine Review (GREAT REVIEW)

VC

PS: Did you really think I'd blog about the war?

RUFUS @ CARNEGIE (and Love Gossip)

I cannot believe I missed this. Check out this hilarious website -- Timmy Ray's "Drunk and Wearing Flipflops on 5th Avennue" (actually a QUOTE from a Rufus song...this guy really is a fan) -- which you'll always have easy access to, now that I'm linking to it.

As you can see from his 15 June entry, Rufus performed at Carnegie Hall! He and I apparently cater to the same demographic. I was happy to see, in the after party photos, that he looked a really healthy weight, so let's hope that his battle with meth et al. is totally over.

I haven't asked El Pook, yet, if he went to this performance, although I suspect he didn't, because he tends to go to Moscow whenever he has the chance to see someone interesting.

(It's 11:11, so I'm filled with double meaning)

OH! You'll also see on the website on the entry BELOW (earlier than) the Rufus concert entry that Marc Jacobs actually did a Rufus tribute at his store -- the very same store I linked-to on thie blog when Pookie still lived on Jane Street and there was a bag just FEET away that I was in love with (not quite feet away, and not quite love) -- AND, the amazing designer is SINGLE.

You have to see this link so see why it is I think I have a chance.

Ok, for those of you with limited time, I'll tell you: If you look at the site announcing Marc's breakup with his GORGEOUS 25yo boyfriend, you'll see two things. 1. That he likes younger guys (ok, his boyfriend is like 100 times cuter than I am, but it doesn't matter!...see point 2.). 2. He likes younger guys but NEEDS a guy who can be there for him when he needs him and who isn't into going clubbing every night -- he needs young but SERIOUS. That's SO ME!

If you check out the really funny (seriously, they're really funny) comments to the article on that site, you'll see the tragic news that, according to the little slut, he and Marc are back on, but I think nothing that volatile can really last. If Pookie hasn't made his move by the time I make Law Review, then I'm going after Marc (even if Pookie is way cuter and obviously has better taste in guys).

The comment that's still making me laugh is that Marc's boyfriend is "the gay hooker version of Kevin Federline" (that's Britney Spears's loser boyfriend for those of you with day jobs).

Really funny.

I know it's sad, but if you want to see the ex's friendster profile, then click here. I really hope it's a joke, because if it's not then that's just sad. As mature as I thought Marc's post-breakup comments were (about control and need and all that), I almost feel like if he's stupid enough to stick with that guy for 6 months then he might not be good enough for me!

XOXO

VC-Jacobs

VC's 1L Courses

Ok so if you ever are wondering what I'm studying in law school this coming year, here is where you should look (taken from the orientation website):

Students are required to register and pick up their course schedules in person on Monday, August 14, 2006, the first day of Orientation. Schedules also will be available in Lawnet by that date.

In the Spring term, you will be able to register for one of the first-year elective offerings.

First-Year Required Courses	First-Year Electives (Spring 2007 Term)
Fall Term Spring Term Legal Methods Legal Practice Workshop I Civil Procedure Contracts Torts Constitutional Law Criminal Law Property Legal PracticeWorkshop II Foundation Year Moot Court	(You will be able to register for one of these 6 courses) Law and Social Science Law, Culture, and Notions of Justice Lawyering Across Multiple Legal Orders Legislation Principles of Intellectual Property Regulation: Decentralization and Globalization

XOXO

VC

Completeness (1 of 3)

Well I've just seen another good (if not mindblowing) Oprah episode and I have to say that having seen Dr. Robin Smith on her show twice in the past week (talking first about debt and marriages and now about death and grieving) I think that Dr. Robin doesn't just blow Dr. Phil (who I don't like and won't link to on my blog) out of the water, but she actually says things that are really valuable. I believe I already quoted her on my blog, before, about what it means to be "private."

In her Lies at the Altar book she lays out the Top 10 Truths & Lies about marriage (and apparently at 2:45AM I'm prompted to adopt German capitalization rules?) and one of them is the following (not QUITE directly-quoted):

Lie: Getting married will make a person complete.
Truth: You cannot be partnered until you are whole.

I remember my first girlfriend at Columbia and how, during our first year together, the claustrophobia that threatened me by her even mentioning a relationship, let alone making me the target of romantic and sexual desire, made me realize a lot of valuable truths about myself (truths that it would take me another four years to actually cope with and help address).

I remember it as if watching it on video (you'll see the irony in what I told her in a minute) climbing through the levels of the Butler Library stacks with her and telling her how much I disagreed with her attempt to use Plato's writings on love to justify why it is that, in that time that I was coming to realize my problems and incompleteness, it was the perfect moment for me to be with her. She tried to argue that two people help complete each other. I argued, and it's funny that the argument should return, now, through a doctor I have seen on Oprah, that I totally disagreed, and that you cannot have a healthy and mutually-supportive love in which people grow and flourish unless both people are sufficiently complete and whole BEFORE and APART from the relationship; I even said (and I'm not kidding) that as much as I liked Plato, we should think about it more like Oprah -- I didn't want to sabotage or self-destruct, and I didn't want to bring her down with me. I needed to work on myself before I could work for us.

What's my point? That six years later I was vindicated by a motivational speaker on Oprah? No. Well actually, yeah ;) But that's not my ONLY point. My other point is that I want to say something briefly about the journey towards completeness.

To further complicate my already winding thoughts, while introducing an even lower brand of daytime tv, I remember the now-sacked Star Jones from The View making the unusually insightful comment that, for all the time she was waiting for the right man to come around, she herself was not the right woman. She was educated, successful, great on paper (if a bit thick through the waist), and expected for herself a total catch who would appreciate and adore her. The problem, she realized, was that she was not, yet, herself in control of all the attributes that would make her merit a person like that. Was she kind? Understanding? Discussive? LOVING? No. She was demanding and unqualified for Mr. Right.

I think (since this is my blog and it should be about me ;p) that that's basically where I was at between 21 and 23 (in other words: after my first evil Russian boyfriend and up until this past year). I had a lot to offer, but I wasn't really putting it all together, and I'm not sure I was ready to. I was not ready to be totally self-empowering (even if I could talk the talk and help others to walk it) -- my jealousy being a huge manifestation of that -- and I don't think I was prepared to make the lifelong commitment to being an emotionally-healthy person. Like getting over an addiction and having to say goodbye to your favourite substance, I had reached a kind of development impasse where I could articulate my problems, but had somehow accepted them as "me" rather than as "the parts of me I need to work on and get past in order to really engage my life in a full and fruitful way."

It has been a gradual process (and like all processes such as this, it's a process of becoming that doesn't have a clear beginning or end) by which I've had to draw from both devastating experiences and joyful ones, but (dare I say it), I think that I've recently, in the past seven months or so, taken absolutely enormous strides towards completeness. Of course, I'm not Jesus on Prozac, and I still make mistakes and I give-in to personal darknesses, but I think that the ways in which I think about and respond to my family, my environment, myself, and my romantic partner manifest this emotional growth spurt (which I'm trying frightfully hard to articulate rather unsuccessfully, here).

I was aware enough, before, of the kind of love I wanted, but I was not aware of what I needed to do to prepare myself to manufacture and receive it.

Knowing healthy v. unhealthy is big. I had that. Knowing how to embrace healthy and cope with unhealthy (which will always exist in most aspects of our lives in one manifestation or another) was a step I did not take until, I'd say, this past summer.

I'm too tired to write the other things I'd planned (hence the 1 of 3 in the title of this blog entry), but here's the preview of the VC Completeness series, lol:

Part I: VC's unsubstantiated and meandering introduction to (his own) completeness
Part II: VC's declaration of appreciation of the completeness of others
Part III: VC' tests for the presence of completeness

Well I need to rest-up before a visit to my brother and niece (both of whom I have not seen since Christmas 2004), tomorrow. I had a great diner with my mother, sister, and other niece, and hope that tomorrow will be as enjoyable (I think it will be).

VC

Why?

After having poured over these two recordings of Kelly Clarkson covering Annie Lennox's "Why?" I just had to blog the lyrics. It's a GREAT song.

For me being obsessive about vocal technique, I'm also cutting and pasting for your pleasure an email I sent to a vocal coach friend of mine in Amsterdam (I think I blogged about him before as my partner in singing/tennis/figure skating crime). My original email, typos included (if there are any). This is with reference to the first of the two recordings I hyper-linked to, above (the YouTube site is AMAZING!), even though the second one is much higher quality (if a bit less exciting in the ending):

**********

KELLY CLARKSON COVER OF ANNIE LENOX

Talk about hard to pull off :)

The recording is awful, and I hate the echo, but you're right -- Christina doesn't really communicate the meaning of a song that well when you hear something like this...you hear this and you BELIEVE her.

I think Kelly is amazing on this kind of thing, and I hate all the crap they're having her sing that has made her so popular these past two years. She has too much soul and talent to sing crap.

Pay attention to 1:45 (also my favourite part in the original...they lyrics are just great) because I think that any student who can't HEAR what it is to have a powerful diaphragm needs to only hear how much power she can get on quick notes on a single pitch like that (with nice fast vibrato, too) to know what proper power from the diaphragm sounds like. I also think that you can hear the perfect example of the "mixed voice" we're always talking about when she transitions up at 1:50. I also love (LOVE!) the TINY voice break at 3:29 at the end of "this is the fear." I've seen a bunch of recordings of this from different cities, and it's definitely on purpose (but you can only do it when you're properly relaxed, you know?).

UGH I WISH I COULD SING LIKE THAT! lol

XOXO

**********

Here are the lyrics:

How many times do I have to try to tell you
That I'm sorry for the things I've done
But when I start to try to tell you
That's when you have to tell me
"Hey... this kind of trouble's only just begun"
I tell myself too many times
"Why don't you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut?"
That's why it hurts so bad to hear the words
That keep on falling from your mouth
Falling from your mouth
Falling from your mouth
Tell me...
Why
Why

I may be mad
I may be blind
I may be viciously unkind
But I can still read what you're thinking
And I've heard it said too many times
That "you'd be better off..."
Besides...
Why can't you see this boat is sinking
(this boat is sinking this boat is sinking)
Let's go down to the water's edge
And we can cast away those doubts
Some things are better left unsaid
But they still turn me inside out
Turning inside out turning inside out
Tell me...
Why
Tell me...
Why

This is the book I never read
These are the words I never said
This is the path I'll never tread
These are the dreams I'll dream instead
This is the joy that's seldom spread
These are the tears...
The tears we shed
This is the fear
This is the dread
These are the contents of my head
And these are the years that we have spent
And this is what they represent
And this is how I feel
Do you know how I feel ?
'cause i don't think you know how I feel
I don't think you know what I feel
I don't think you know what I feel
You don't know what I feel

Great song.

VC

Busiest TA Ever

I was NOT the busiest TA ever when I was at AUC, but take a look at this job announcement that I received, today, from CPIL (Columbia Law's Center for Public Interest Law):

Columbia University School of Social Work for Legal Foundations
New York, NY
*Teaching Assistant
Overview/Qualifications: Student will assist in teaching, reviewing and
grading assignments, preparing cases, meeting with students. Great
opportunity for students interested in social policy/public interest law
and teaching. Taught by professor with a J.D. and Ph.D. in social work.
3L students preferred.
Duties: Eighty hours per week, $20 per hour, two-semester commitment.
To Apply: Contact Professor Vicki Lens at vl2012@columbia.edu
Salary: Unspecified
Deadline: Unspecified

Did you see that!? 80 hours per week. As a third year law student. That's almost 12 hours per day, seven days a week (minus one hour for lunch four of the seven days) IN ADDITION TO being a 3L. That's crazy!

VC

Unending Chunkiness, Global Edition

Hey everyone, well let's review what's happened since the last time I've blogged:

My maid and bowaab stole all my things, I missed my flight out of Egypt, shipped my worldly possessions to NYC, finally made it to Athens (only long enough to rush to the Acropolis and then back to the airport) with the help of some Cairene angels, spent my first night ever in Brooklyn and was reunited with two of my best friends (including one's much-anticipated girlfriend), came home to California, changed fuses on a car, was mistaken (with my mother) for Iranian, discovered that my weight gain since I was last in the States (18 months ago) is 23 bootyliscious pounds that my NYC friends politely tell me is flattering, flew BACK to NYC, moved into my new place (the bamboo garden isn't all that), got reunited with another best friend and her boyfriend (who I really like) as well as two exes (including one bushy-tailed pookie), had more nice meals than was necessary in a 72 hour period (one of them involving an embarrassing incident when one of my aforementioned best friends, working in counterterrorism, agreed with me that our hot waiter was Pakistani, except when I got her to ask if he was from Lahore he was confused, offended that she might be using dirty language with him, and finally clarified that he was Puerto Rican), saw a really cute Broadway play (The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee), furnished my entire new studio (proving that Lesbians and residents of Brooklyn can both still have really good taste) and flew BACK to CA. Oh yeah: I also got a New York mobile number again (YAY!), and had all my things released from customs (where they were under a mysterious but easily-solved "agricultural hold" -- like I'd EVER touch a piece of fruit or buy a plant, lol) and was mistaken for Punjabi (mistaken for Iranian and Punjabi in the same week -- how's THAT for a versatile look?). Oh yeah X 2: Even though I've been too tired/busy/lazy to email her, I did NOT forget to get a certain Pakistani-American someone the bronze jewelry she wanted!

I may have missed something. I'm a little tired that in the past two weeks I've flown from Cairo to Greece to New York to California to New York to California (not including the stopovers United kindly offered me), but I've gotten a ton of Arabic done on all these flights, and I suppose I'm reasonably happy.

A few lightening impressions with not much explaining, so pick what interests you and call or email if you really want to know what I'm talking about (no hard feelings if you don't, lol):

* Be kind to those around you, because you never know when you might need to stay the night with a crazy Japanese girl and cash-in on your good person points.

* Shipping cargo on Emirates is REALLY cheap, but costs a lot of time, so if you're NOT me and actually have a job, in which case the opportunity cost has a financial element, then just pay excess baggage and move on.

* Don't have ANY mail sent to your parents. Your mother might get a gold amex in your name while you're gone, and that's a very slippery slope.

* At least four people in Cairo really care about me and are there for me, which isn't bad for two years in a city I hated.

* Egypt has a culture of dishonesty that pervades every aspect of society (from business to family) that has nothing to do with poverty, no matter what anyone says...it might be about more abstract understandings of "ownership," though, as a much-valued Palestinian/Jordanian friend from Afghanistan has said.

* If you want a man, and you go after him, then you can usually get him (and I'm NOT talking about MY experience!! I'm talking about the experience of two girls mentioned in this blog entry!) [EDIT: I just realized that both these girls were after Palestinian guys, so maybe I should say: If you want a Palestinian man, and you go after him, then you can usually get him...even though I got absolutely zero action when I was in Palestine!]

* Orange County is more gorgeous than I realized, but just as dead as I always suspected. Not only is it the ultimate example of money doesn't equal class, but it is also bereft of any cultural outlet whatsoever minus the ubiquitous Blockbuster. I like it here so long as I don't go outside (which, since my mother did an amazing decorating job, is fine with me).

* People in NYC are absolutely as hot as I remembered. I shouldn't say "hot." I should say: "Put-together and in-shape." New York City is the only place in which even that dumpy guy who in another city would be president of his local anime club and 200 pounds overweight STILL manages to hit the gym four times a week (even if it does nothing for his social skills).

* People at Columbia Law living in Lenfest (SO FAR...hopefully I'll be wrong later) are fit but unfriendly. My last full day in New York (day before yesterday), I crossed paths with SIX people in my building, NONE of whom met my eye or responded to my smile and under my breath "hey," except one girl who HAD to say hi after I surprised her when the elevator doors opened and I almost walked into her -- she was just coming back from a run (as 4 of the 6 were coming or going for a run...high-strung over-functioning and high-rent-paying law students are apparently fond of running) and had her leg up and IN the frame of the elevator on the lobby to stretch, so it was sort of embarrassing for her when the doors opened faster than she was expecting and her thigh was in my face (that's very NYC, though, for someone to only say hello AFTER their thigh has been in your face, lol).

* With only a couple notable exceptions (and WOW were they exceptions) I choose friends really well. I have five really close friends in New York who I really know I can count on (there should be a sixth, but she is still lost in the chaos of her first year law summer), and in Cairo I have at least four...then there's Jordan, Kabul, Tel Aviv....My life is really full and rich from these people, and I have to remember that! I also might have a small family, but I have a good one, and it was so nice seeing (in addition to my mother, obviously) my really awesome sister...so excited that today I get to see one of my nieces, again, who has promised to kick my butt in bowling.

* People's moms love me and I love moms. (that's a simple one) SOME people's moms who love me also love cute clerks at Juicy Couture who in tern love the daughter of the mother who in tern loves me, which means I'm only two degrees of separation from being loved by one of the hot guys working at Juicy Couture (it's too bad they don't have the men's line, there, otherwise I would have had to try on a scandalously tight pair of jeans, right?).

* I really have grown up and become more secure (mostly just in the past few months, lol), and it's been tested. I accept and let go better than I used to, I'm more forgiving of people being human, and I'm less threatened and less prone to seek/need validation than before. (This one's in bold because it's the most important)

Two quotes of the past two weeks:

1. From Oprah's show on how debt tears apart marriages (with a really awesome therapist who shocked me with how much I liked her...Dr. Robin?). She was responding to a husband who explained that he's just a very private person, and that's why he doesn't like to talk about what's going on inside him, emotionally:

"You were not BORN private. You were born free and whole."

She went on to explain (as I was kind of learning from two different guys in Cairo, one of whom has appeared on this blog as Dubai guy) that you BECOME private when you are taught to fear expression, and when you are taught that you need to protect yourself by retreating, emotionally.

2. From today's nytimes.com front page:

"Interactive Feature: Unending fury in MidEast."

Well that's not a quote but a hyperlink. I have to say it rather poignantly conveys a situation that I find too sad and baffling to really talk about (two of my favourite countries I've ever visited at war). I like the quote because it implies a certain spectator agency in the process, and after all, aren't we all accountable, somehow, to what's happening, there, and it's unendingness?

VC

VC Moving Back to NYC

Ok so my travel plans were supposed to be as follows:

4 July fly Cairo - Athens (arrive 8AM), sprint to Parthenon, meet Glam (who is also in Athens, by coincidence), sleep

5 July take lunch and fly Athens - NYC; stay probably with Juicy (maybe some ice cream with my Brooklyn dwelling and future PhD friends?)

6 July fly NYC - OC

{Stay in Orange County with moo until 31 July}

31 July fly OC - NYC

BUT! This has all just changed.

I just got my housing assignment from Columbia and, despite listing it as my last (third) choice (I even said on the application that I think it's too expensive, especially on a high floor) I have been placed in the newest and most luxurious dorm in a private studio.

Check out the dorm website (yes, it has it's own website!) here, it's called Lenfest.

I shouldn't say my room number online, but let's just say that it's QUITE easy to remember, which reminds me of when I lived in Columbia's OTHER new dorm as an undergrad ("Broadway"), and my room number my last year was 1234 lol.

I have to say that the colour video intercom makes me feel VERY La Femme Nikita!...now if only I were to turn mine on one day and see Michael (Roy Dupuis) then the dorm would be worth the price!

The other news it that my move-in dates are 12-14 July, which obviously gives me a great chance to have a month in NYC already moved-in before classes start on 15 August, but also means that my mom and I will not get to cuddle barely at all, I won't get to see my nieces, raise a new cat... :( Maybe I will go to NYC, move-in, and then go back to NYC until the second week of August...

It's kind of funny that people in the online law school forums joke about Columbia Law School's ridiculous luxury dorm with a bamboo garden, and now I'm living there.

What can a chunk do to just live humbly!?

Here is the floorplan (EDIT: I can't figure out how to attach the photo-clipped image from the pdf)...yes it's a queensize bed. I'll have a microwave. I just...can't believe how much my standard of living will go up between Cairo and NYC (and for only one bigillion dollars extra per month!).

XO

VC